NIM: The Amazing Ninja Instant Messaging
by PockyisLife
Summary: It was only a temporarily program to replace a mail strike. It wasn't supposed to spark a major fan girl war, a company based on exploiting hot shinobis and definitely not a way to blackmail a certain Hokage.
1. Iruka's Amazing Idea: NIM

**Disclaimer: For anyone who thought I actually own Naruto, they're idiotic. If I own Naruto, Itachi would be mine and only mine.**

**Another installment due to pure boredom… but I honestly thought this would be a good and different idea.**

* * *

To who may be concerned,

As a member of the Hokage Staff I, Umino Iruka has created a program called NIM (Ninja Instant Messaging) due to the effects of the ongoing mailman strike. This program can currently replace any letters sent from country to country.

Lady Tsunade, the Hokage, has just released an improvement of this program and requested that everyone qualified should use this new email/ chat room. Since the mailman strike has not been concluded yet, this program can be used to facilitate ways to send messages to each other. This program can be used by anyone, including ninjas. The email/ chat room will be ready to be used around sundown. NO CHARGE IS REQUIRED, JUST A STABLE AND WORKING INTERNET CONNECTION.

Rules and Regulations:

1. To respect everyone's privacy, any messages will not be leaked, but if anyone abuses this privilege every single solitary message will be monitored.

2. No inappropriate suggestions or profanity is permitted and yes death threats do count: if caught, program privileges will be taken away

3. Make sure every family/ clan send in family and individuals screen name and/or email address to the Hokage center so it can be filed.

4. Do not send any viruses or bad chakra through the program; it will only create problems and confusion to everyone.

If any questions or comments please contact Iruka Umino or Lady Tsunade, but preferably Iruka Umino

P.S: Ninjas of any rank, can only use this if and only if they are free and not currently in a mission. Any slackers will suffer dire consequences.

P.S.S: Anyone from any country can use NIM. Including evil bad guys...

P.S.S.S: For anyone who wants to start a fight or a war, please do not send any information about your idea through NIM because you will get caught. Conspirators will not be tolerated.

Sincerely,

Iruka Umino

Creator of NIM

* * *

**So tell me what you think. If you think that I am going mentally insane and should stop right now, don't hesitate to tell me. I love flames (not really, but I tolerate them) and constructive critics. All you have to due is click on the lovely bluish purple button on the lower corner and review. Please review! **


	2. A Fan what?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, because then Itachi would be mine**

* * *

**T****o: Everyone**

**From: Iruka Umino, creator of NIM**

**Re: Welcome to the NIM program**

To all who signed up, thank you so much. We now have over ten thousand people registered.

I sent, about ten minutes ago, more information about the NIM system. As usual, if any questions please contract me

N.B:

1. Now if there is anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who did not sign up (you know exactly who you are), I will personally hunt you down and make you do so!! Unless of course, you are some strong person or clan that I can not defeat than I will just have to commence to plan B….

But you all get my point!!

2. In order to reduce any message build up, only a limited amount of people can send messages or use the instant messaging system. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE PEOPLE!!

-If there is any questions or concerns please contact me.  
-If there is anyone who knows about the closet incident please contact me immediately.

-Iruka Umino

* * *

**To: Miss Know it all**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Closet Incident?**

Closet incident what closet incident?? I know that you know because you know everything.

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Shizune a.k.a Miss Know it all**

**Re: Oh the closet Incident**

So apparently a certain someone (whom i shall not name) had caught Lady Tsunade and Jiraiya having some 'fun' time and caught on tape. Now Lady Tsunade is fuming while Jiraiya is trying to stay as far away form her as possible. Haven't you noticed that he seemed a bit on the edgy side the past couple of days?

Do not tell anyone that I told because I don't want Lady Tsunade to use some random jutsu that hasn't been discovered against me.

You remember what happen last time?

* * *

**To: Shizune aka Miss Know it all**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: ...**

So you really do live up to your name?

Gruesome memories: don't want to talk about. I don't understand why she's mad I mean come on EVERYONE knew that she and Jiraiya were hitting it off. She can't be that surprised. People these days…

* * *

**To: ALL**

**From: A very extremely upset Hokage**

**Re: Videotapes**

I WANT TO KNOW WHO HAS THE VIDEOTAPE AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!

THIS IS AN ORDER AND YES WHEN I FIND OUT WHO HAS IT I WILL SEND A JUTSU AFTER YOU AND YOU WILL SUFFER A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!

Thank you,

Tsunade, THE Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**NIM CHAT ROOM:**

_**InoluvSasuke signs in and opens chat room**_

InoluvSasuke4eva: Oh my god…Did you just receive that e-mail?

**_Pinkhairedhottie signs in_**

Pinkhairedhottie: Yeah. Tsunade has officially lost it.

InoluvSasuke4eva: I think she has already lost it: did you know she is using some jutsu so she can look younger. Who does that?

Pinkhairedhottie: I was wondering why she looks so young… and I thought it was genetics, shame on her!

_**Shyhyuuga signs in**_

Shyhyuuga: I don't think you should be talking about the Hokage like that….

InoluvSasuke4eva: Who cares about that old Lady we have more important things to deal with!!

Shyhyuuga: Like what Ino?

Pinkhairedhottie: Please don't tell me this is one of your 'Operation: Make Sasuke Want Me' schemes because I really do not want to deal with those again

InoluvSasuke4eva: No Sakura it's not… and for your information, I am planning to start a new club!

Shyhyuuga: A club? What for?

Pinkhairedhottie: It's probably has to do something with worshiping Sasuke….

InoluvSasuke4eva: Do not hate because I am his future wife, thank you very much! :p

Pinkhairedhottie: So are you going to make some 'I want to impress a certain Uchiha' Fan Club? Eh Ino?

Shyhyuuga: I can actually see her doing that…

InoluvSasuke4eva: No, no, no!! I am going to create a fan club!

Shyhyuuga: A fan club? Is that even aloud?

Pinkhairedhottie: Please tell me you're joking…

InoluvSasuke4eva: NO!! If I was joking then why would I tell you guys about it!!

Shygyuuga: Well to be honest….

Pinkhairedhottie: Do you really want me to answer that?

InoluvSasuke4eva: SHUT UP!!

Shyuuga: I'm sorry I had upset you, Ino

Pinkhairedhottie: Ino, you need to work on that attitude of yours…someone can get hurt….

InoluvSasuke4eva: You know what I am not going to be fed into your negativity. I am going to make a new fan club whether you two like it or not

Shyhyuuga: So what is that significance of making this fan club of yours?

Pinkhairedhottie: I know. To let every single solitary guy thinks that we are desperate and we have nothing to do but worship them!

InoluvSasuke4eva: You know what Haruno, I do not appreciate your comments. I am trying to make something fanfastic

Pinkhairedhottie: Yea fantastically stalkerish

Shyhyuuga: Is that even a word?

InoluvSasuke4eva: Of course it's not!

Pinkhairedhottie: IT DOESN'T MATTER!! This is NIM we are suppose to use made up words

InoluvSasuke4eva: Yea in your world….

Pinkhairedhottie: So who are you going to stalk now, Ino?

InoluvSasuke4eva: Sasuke…

Pinkhairedhottie: Oh my god!! What a surprise?

Shyhyuuga: It is impolite to interrupt someone while they are talking, Sakura

InoluvSasuke: SHUT UP HARUNO!! Anyway as while I was saying before I was RUDELY interrupted…

They are:

Sasuke

Chouji

Gaara

Naruto

Shikamaru

Kiba

Naruto

Kakashi

Itachi

Deidara

Sasori

Neji

Well I think there's more…

Pinkhairedhottie: DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S ENOUGH!!

Shyhyuuga: wow that's a lot of guys….

InoluvSasuke4eva: These are the most desired!

Shyhyuuga: How did you-

InoluvSasuke4eva: I have my ways..

Shyhyuuga: ...

InoluvSasuke4eva: I did a survey about a week ago…

Pinkhairedhottie: Wait aren't Itachi, Sasori and Deidara bad guys?? You know from the Atatsuki Gang??

InoluvSasuke4eva: Hotness comes in good and evil Haruno. I would think you of all people would realize that…

Shyhyuuga: LOL

Pinkhairedhottie: What is that suppose to mean??

InoluvSasuke4eva: You know exactly what I mean Haruno!

Shyhyuuga: Chouji…well that's interesting….

InoluvSasuke4eva: Whatever! He has some potential of hotness…somewhere….

Pinkhairedhottie: Oooh! Does Ino have a crush on Chouji?

Shyhyuuga: I'm signing off now... father has requested to do some chores. Goodbye!

Pinkhairedhottie: Bye

INoluvSasuke4eva: bye. I HATE YOU HARUNO!!

_**Shyhyuuga signs off**_

_**Pinkhairedhottie signs off**_

* * *

**What do you think? Is it bad and terrible? Please review and I will give you muffins**


	3. Fear the Lady Tsunade

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto because then Itachi will be my personal slave. LOL**

* * *

**To: Everyone**

**From: Iruka Umino, Creator of NIM**

**Re: Closet incident**

As you all you should know, based on that rather er… scary email the Hokage sent that she isn't the happiest person in the world right about now. So please, for the sake of her insanity and for your safety, if anyone knows about the closet incident please contact me.

And no I, unfortunately, do not know what happened. Shizune refused to tell me. I am just as eager as the rest of you to know what happened.

I am glad to inform all of you that fifty more people signed up for NIM but some people STILL didn't. I am warning you!!

-Iruka Umino

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Sasuke and Naruto**

I heard Kakashi talking to Jiraiya about Sasuke and Naruto. Apparently he saw them doing things that boys shouldn't do. I think he said they were kissing or something like that? Now of course I don't believe them because Naruto and Sasuke hate each other right?

Should I be worried?

- A very confused Hinata Hyuuga

* * *

**To: A very confused Hinata**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: WHAT!!**

Yes, Hinata, be VERY afraid. Who knows what Ino might do if she finds this out and she might-

Wait did you say that they were caught KISSING!!

Give me details Hinata and I want them NOW!!

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Details**

Well you see I don't know every about it because I just overheard…but I think they were making out in the park, you know near Ninja Academy. That was yesterday. I didn't see Naruto or Sasuke anywhere today? Did you?

* * *

**To: Hinata**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: OMG!!**

OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!!

(calming down right about now) No I didn't see them anywhere, but now I must look for them. Give me any updates, Hinata. I'm sure this little information is going to crush little Ino's fan girl heart

MWAHAHAHAHAH!!

I'm evil, I know

* * *

**To: Sakura **

**From: Hinata**

**Re: ?**

Uh… okay. I really think I should be worried…

* * *

**To: ALL**

**From: A still pissed off Hokage**

**Re: FEAR ME!!**

My patience is wearing thin!! Who the hell has those videotapes!! I WANT TO KNOW!! And until I do, there will be NO missions carried out and I don't care if they are even rank A missions. It's not going to happen.

And to Jiraiya: I am going to fucking kill you!! And then make your life a living hell!!

Tsunake, The Hokage

FEAR ME!! (Inserts evil laugh)

* * *

**To: Lady Tsunade**

**From: Loyal Subject**

**Re: Uh…**

Um…Lady Tsunade…I understand that you are mad but I don't think cursing and using death threats are permitted.

* * *

**To: Loyal Subject**

**From: A still pissed off Hokage**

**Re: UGH!!**

I AM the Hokage Shizune. Rules do not apply to me. AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD!!

Have you seen Jiraiya? I want to rip his head off right about now (puppy eyes)

And I want some Sake!!

Tsunade, The Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**To: Tsunade**

**From: The most amazing guy you've ever met**

**Re? Why art thou so mad?**

Hun...i dont think sending out death threats are going to solve the videotape issue...

Hey are we still on for tonight?

-Jiraiya

I don't understand why you are mad with me, I didn't do anything wrong (wink)

* * *

**To: Asshole**

**From: An extremely pissed off Hokage**

**Re: YOU BASTARD!!**

When I find you I am going to tie you up and make you SUFFER!!

This is all you fault!!

-Tsunade, The Hokage

FEAR ME!!

And tonight is OFF!!

* * *

**To: Tsunade**

**From: Ninja in shinning armor**

**Re: Bondage? OOOOh I really like.**

Hmmm... I see we are going for the bondage type eh? I'll behave...

-Jiraiya

Should I bring the handcuffs?

* * *

**To: Biggest Perv to walk the face of this planet**

**From: An extremely pissed off Hokage**

**Re: UGH!!  
**

I.AM.GOING.TO.FUCKING.KILL.YOU!!

AHHHHHHHH!!

Tsunade, The Hokage

FEAR ME!!

I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO PROCREATE EVER!!

* * *

**NIM Chat Room**

_**Ramenrulz signs on and opens chat room**_

Ramenrulz: Is she serious?! She can't just cancel all missions because of some videotape!!

_**Peoplertroublesome and Uchihasasuke signs on**_

Peoplertroublesp,e: She just did…

Ramenrulz: And I'm going to tell the Hokage. And that old hag will beg for mercy!! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Peoplertroublesome: Naruto, SHE is the Hokage.

Ramenrulz: Ohh. I knew that...

Peoplertroubesome: Of course you did (already getting bored)

Uchihasasuke: Idiot…

Ramenrulz: Who are you calling an idiot?!

Uchihasasuke: You!!

Ramenrulz: I'm going to have to get all NINE TAILS ON YOUR-

_**Akamarumaster signs on**_

Akamarumaster: Naruto, will you shut up!!

Peoplearetrouble: This is all too troublesome for me…I am going to stare at the clouds until this 'situation' is dealt with…

Ramenrulz: Don't tell me to shut up dog lover!!

Akamarumaster: Why you!!

_**Ihavnopatience4idiot signs on**_

Ihavnopatience4idiot: Look, I love to hear you two imbeciles argue but there are more pressing matters to attend to…

Akamarumaster: Like what?!

Ramenrulz: Yeah! Like what??

Ihavnopatience4idiot: What is this closet incident that Tsunade is complaining about?

Uchihasasuke: I'm thinking it has to do with Tsunade and Jiraiya…

Akamerumaster: No shit Sherlock!!

Uchihasasuke: Shut up dog boy!

Akamerumaster: Who are you calling a dog boy!!

Peoplertroublesome: I know it's hard for you Kiba, but can you stop starting stuff!!

Ramenrulz: I want to want to eat some ramen

Ihavnopatience4idiot: What is up with you and ramen?

Akamarumaster: Hmm… maybe it's some fetish…

Uchihasasuke: That's all you do: eat ramen and prance around claiming that you are going to be Hokage. Even though that's clearly not going to happen…

Ramenrulz: SASUKE!!

Peoplertroublesome: I'm signing off because you all are too troublesome for me. If you need anything I will be fantasizing among the clouds….

Uchihasasuke: what else is new…

Ramenrulz: By Shikamaru!!

Peoplertroublesome: yeah, yeah, yeah

_**Peoplertroublesome signs off**_

Ihavnopatience4idiot: This is unfortunate the only smart person out of all of you retards has just left… I'm leaving too. I have to spar with father.

_**Ihavnopatince4idiot signs off**_

Akamarumaster: Fuck you Neji!!

Ramenrulz: Hey I resent that!!

Uchihasasuke: so much for the no profanity rule…

* * *

**What do you think? Should I not even bother updating and hid in the corner or what? Please review! Flames are welcomed!!**


	4. Ino's amazing idea

**Disclaimer: Me don't own so you don't sue, Got it?**

* * *

**To: Everyone**

**From: Iruka, the creator of NIM**

**Re: Park incident**

If anyone knows about the park incident concerning two certain genins, please notify me at once. Such behavior is not tolerated near the ninja academy and will result in some interventions.

I have just installed a new forum system that will be in effect around noon today.

Since the Hokage canceled all missions due to the unknown videotape kidnapping, I am sure that NIM can be used quite frequently. Not that I am happy about the cancellations of the missions, of course.

More News:

1. Ninja Academy is still opened but the park next to it isn't. Why? Some people are investigating the park incident

2. The mailman strike is still going on. The union leader is threatening to put a virus on NIM so if NIM doesn't work for some time, it's because I'm trying to debug it.

3. Over 79 percent of qualified people are requested to NIM… that's good news

4. Oh yes before I forget, a certain Uchiha had complained to the Hokage council about hyperactive fan girls that attempted to uh...molest him. PLEASE for the love of kami, leave him alone. I am sure they are other males to gawk at.

5. Lady Tsunade has currently sent out a search team for a certain author known as Jiraiya. If you know anything about his where about please contact the Hokage. Remember to be nice to her; she isn't in a very good mood.

* * *

**Chat Room**

**_IluvSasuke4eva signs on and opens chat room_**

IluvSasuke4eva: Hinata and Sakura sign on now!! I have some good news!!

**_Pinkhairedhottie and Shyhyuuga signs on_**

Pinkhairedhottie: What is it now Ino?

IluvSasuke4eva: Okay so I named the fan club…. I Love Hot Ninjas!!

Shyhyuuga:…

Pinkhairedhottie: are you on drugs!!

IluvSasuke4eva: :p! I am going to ignore that little comment of yours Haruno!! Anyway I have decided that since the club needs some funds-

Pinkhairedhottie: This club of yours need some members first!!

Shyhyuuga: She's right…

IluvSasuke4eva: I know that!! (calms down) I have decided to make a collage

Shyhyuuga: A collage??

Pinkhairedhottie: What?! Why?!

IluvSasuke4eva: Because I need to create something that every fan girl or guy will dream about!

Shyhyuuga: OoOoOo

Pinkhairedhottie: You have got to be kidding me…

IluvSasuke: Oh okay not a collage. That's too simple… What is one thing that everyone will use in their daily lives that has pictures on it?

Pinkhairedhottie:…

Shyhyuuga: I don't know….a calendar?

IluvSasuke4eva: OMG Hinata you are soooo right. We can make a calendar!!

Pinkhairedhottie: Are you serious?!

IluvSasuke4eva: Yes, and we can make a lot of money!!

Shyhyuuga: Wait a sec…this isn't a bad idea…

IluvSasuke4eva: I know!!

Pinkhairedhottie: Well, money is good…but what is this calendar of yours going to have?

IluvSasuke4eva: PICTURES!!

Shyhyuuga: of what?

IluvSasuke4eva: HOT NINJAS!!

Pinkhairedhottie: I've should have known…

Shyhyuuga: (blushes) Hot ninjas?

IluvSasuke4eva: Yes, and since Tsunade had cancelled all our missions until the videotape issue is finshed, that leaves us with more than enough time

Pinkhairedhottie: How do you know that people will buy them??

IluvSasuke4eva: Come on, Haruno! Every girl is a fan girl! Have no fear, As soon I think of some ideas this calender will be a major hit!!

_**Chat room closed**_

* * *

**To: All females or homosexual males…**

**From: The President of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Fav Couples**

What are your favorite couples? Yaoi couples do count!

* * *

**To: Shizune aka Miss Know it all**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Park incident?**

What happened now?

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Shizune aka Miss Know it all**

**Re: Oh yea**

So I heard that Kakashi was telling Jiraiya about Naruto and Sasuke hooking up in the park…so now some person (I don't know who…) is investigetting it.

Did you get that email about favorite couples and what is the I Love Hot Ninjas fan club?

* * *

**To: Shizune aka Miss Know it all**

**From: Confused Hanabi**

**Re: I don't know either**

Wait are you telling me that Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto hooked up in the park!!

Wow two of the hottest guys hooking up to become that hottest yaoi couple ever! (drools)

And for that fan club thing…yea I got it. I think that Jiraiya and Tsunade make a cute couple.

* * *

**To: Confused Hanabi**

**From: Miss Know it all**

**Re: Cute Couples**

Hanabi, shame on you. Naruto and Sasuke ARE younger than you! You shoudn't not be drooling!

I think that Lady Tsunade and Jiraiya are already a couple…I wonder if Kakashi and Iruka is hitting it off?

* * *

**To: Everyone who participated in the survey**

**From: President of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Results**

Here are the results:

Top Ten Couples: M/F, M/M

1. Itachi and Deidara

2. Kakashi and Iruka

3. Jiraiya and Tsunade

4. Naruto and Sasuke

5. Kiba and Shino

6. Temari and Neji

7. Lee and Gaara

8. Hinata and Gaara

9. Sakura and Sasuke

* * *

**To: All, preferably Females**

**From: The President of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Help needed**

Need: Someone who is willing to become a photographer

If interested please contact via email: presiluvhotninjaz

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Pictures**

My sister, Hanabi is more than happy to help. Since she is good at manipulating people, I think it would good idea if she takes the pictures. Don't you think? I also have been hearing some requests of yaoi pictures, specifically Itachi and Deidara pics and Naruto and Sasuke pics.

And as for the whole Naruto and Sasuke situation, Kakashi is supposedly snooping around the park looking for some clues. I haven't seen the boys since last month.

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Helping**

So Hinata had just informed me that you are willing to help us out. Which is good of course, because you are older than I… All you have to do is take some pictures of some guys and if you can some yaoi pictures too.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re:**

I don't mind…

So who are the lucky guys?

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Lucky Guys**

Alright, because of the fact that so many people are in love with Yaoi there are going to be two parts of the calendar. If you want to back down, this is the time to do it

Guys:

1. Sasuke

2. Itachi

3. Deidara

4. Kiba

5. Naruto

6. Kiba

7. Shikamaru

8. Kakashi

9. Iruka

10. Gaara

11. Neji

Couples:

1. Sasuke and Naruto

2. Kiba and Shino

3. Kakashi and Iruka

4. Itachi and Deidara

5. Shikamaru and Neji

6. Gaara and Lee

Good luck with this…Hanabi you are going to need it. Thank you much for your participation. I will make sure that some of the calendar profits will be sent to you. I am going to email the owner of the Sharigan Calendar Inc. right now.

Ino

Founder and President of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club

P.S: I Kinda need all the pictures by next week. They have to be on the racy side. (drools)

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Oh kami…**

This is sure going to be interesting eh? Can you add Jiraiya to the list…I'm sure the Hokage would pleased about that. LOL

I'm pretty sure that I can get some pictures from Neji very soon; I mean he is in my clan.

Oh yea, define racy... I'm sure you don't mean nude do ya? But then again, knowing you...

* * *

**To: Ino, Hinata, and Hanabi**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: ??**

How the hell are we going to even taken pictures of them?!

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Pictures dilemma**

That is what I am trying to figure out...

I'm sure there is some disguising technique or jutsu that out there that can hide cameras

* * *

**To: The owner of the Sharigan Calendar Inc.**

**From: Ino Y. the president of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: New business plan**

As you should know there are a large amount of people, most of them fan girls who are infatuated with certain male ninjas. So I was thinking, to benefit both of us, that we shall launch a new calendar that has some um…racy pictures of the ninjas

They will make good presents and I am sure it's going to go well.

So what do you think?

Ino

The Founder and President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club

P.S: Don't tell anyone about this…this is extremely classified

* * *

**To: Sakura, Hinata, Hanabi  
**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Calendars**

So I have talked to one of the publishing manufactures and they agreed with my idea. All we have to do is secretly give out the order forms with any of the boys or Lady Tsunade knowing and we are in business.

And Hanabi...

It's your choice, but I want to see some skin!! I'm sure these boys have some well 'defined' bodies because of training...

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sakura**

**Re:**

I hope you have a good plan for not letting this leak: Tsunade is seriously on to us.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Calendar Pictures**

Okay…

I think we should do two different types of calendars: One of Individual Ninjas and the other for Yaoi. Having both of these topics in the same calendar might…overwhelm some people. What do you think?

* * *

**To: All crazed Fan People**

**From: The President of the I love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Calendar!!**

Are you or a loved one in love with hot male ninjas? If you are, have no fear, everyone is!

I have made a new business proposal to make calendars of the hottest ninjas ever.

For only twenty dollars you can have some pics of your favorite male ninjas right on your wall!!

If interested, please contact via emial: presiluvhotminjaz

Please leave your name, address and email…

President and Founder of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club

* * *

**To: Everyone**

**From: Iruka Umino, the creator of NIM**

**Re: The I love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

For those who are apart of the I love Hot Ninjas Fan Club, it is not an official one unless the Hokage authorizes it.

Due to the calendar proposal email sent out by someone, the NIM is responding extremely slowly. Apparently they are plenty of people who want that calendar. I will try to fix this problem ASAP.

Iruka Umino,

Founder and CEO of Ninja Instant Messaging

* * *

**To: Everyone**

**From: Tsunade, The Hokage**

**Re: UGH!!**

As if I don't have enough problems as it is….someone has decided to launch a new advertising scheme involving some of our male ninjas. Even though I am having a hard problem identifying these conspirators, I will catch you and I when I do there will be hell to pay!

Tsunade, The Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**Yes another chapter done!! Please review!!**


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Naruto in no shape or form. So if you lawyers want to sue, you can't get anything.**

**Thank you all for reviewing!**

* * *

**To: All New I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Members**

**From: The President of I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Members**

**Re: Welcome!**

Welcome to the 'I love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club!!

This is your president, Ino.

To fund this club I had devised a plan to raise money by creating calendars of hot ninjas!!

And so far it is going extremely well! There will be no club donations, unfortunately, until the Hokage authorizes this club. Due to the membership size, there will be no club meeting until I find a meeting place. I will try to convince Iruka Umino to open a mass chat room to discuss issues, but once again, the club has to be authorized. This is an exclusive fan club, and unless you want to suffer greatly, please do not tell anyone out of the fan club about this.

Fan Club Head Positions:

Ino: President

Sakura: Vice President

Hinata: Secretary

Hanabi: Treasurer

Thank you all for buying the calendar! I will send more information about it momentarily.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sakura, the vice president of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Fan Club**

I just received about 35 requests to join the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club. Isn't that great??

And about the order forms…I just got them today because of a major NIM back up that Iruka was suppose to fix.

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Which are they?**

Two weeks had passed by, Hanabi. Where are those damn pictures!! The calendar is already becoming a big hit…it is almost 65 percent sold out.

But we need the pictures to create it!!

Where are they?!

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Pictures**

Okay, this is serious….

This is much harder than you think Ino!!

I know that you want to take pics of these guys with out them knowing what it's for but it's not going to work.

We have to tell them eventually…

Oh yea, how on Earth am I supposed to get pics of Itachi and Deidara? I don't even know where they are living…wait a sec, no one knows where they are living!

And I'm not even going to start about the yaoi pics. This is going to take a lot longer than a couple of weeks. I can't even get Neji and he's my cousin! I had to chase Neji around for about an hour. Now he thinks I am stalking him…

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Ino**

**Re: THAT'S WHAT I HIRED YOU FOR!!**

Hanabi find a way to get the pictures or else!!

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Hanabi and the pictures**

Hanabi was complaining to me about the pictures issue. She is now emailing Sasuke about the plan. Here is what I think: We need more people to help us. We can't only rely on my sister. But why don't we get a professional photographer, I think it might motivate our models a bit and it will make or lives much easier. I also think that the yaoi pics are a bad idea, unless the boys are gay, which I don't think most of them are, they are NOT going to do it.

* * *

**To: All Buyers of the Calendar**

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: List of Models**

The 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club Calendar may take sometime because someone didn't take the pictures. I will send any updates daily.

* * *

**To: Little Uchiha**

**From: Hanabi Hyuuga**

**Re: Business proposal**

I am sure you heard about the new calendar right? Well the president of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club has requested for you to model for the calendar. It's just for one page.

And since the calendar retail is going really well, I am sure you can get paid very, very, well.

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: HELL NO**

I am trying to survive today without getting sexually harassed!! There is no way in HELL I am going to pose for some calendar! Do you want me to die?! Hanabi, I know you are trying to help my money funds, but I can't do it. This mini 'fan club' of mine, who was probably started by Ino, is getting extremely at of control. It's terrible; I can't even go to the bathroom without mentally unstable females throwing themselves at me every five seconds!! Yesterday, I was chased by OVER fifty women including some elders because I accidentally went out side to throw out the garbage without my shirt on! I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

P.S: Why are you calling my Little Uchiha? Oh no!! Don't tell me you are another one of my crazy fan girls!!

* * *

**To: Little Uchiha**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Sad…**

Look, Sasuke, I understand your problem but you have to do it! The entire 'I Love Hot Ninjas' are relying on you!! Have you ever considered hiring bodyguards? If you didn't, I think you should. The picture of you getting maul by fan girls on the front page of the Konoha Inquirer is quite disturbing. You even have old ladies who can't even walk correctly gawking at you.

And no Little Uchiha, I am not one of your fan girls….

Or am I??

Bwahahahahahah!!

* * *

**To: Lil Sis**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Sasuke**

Sasuke isn't buying it…

He is still traumatized by the 'raid of the fan girls' incident. Poor soul…

* * *

**To: Ino, Sakura, Hinata**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Good news…I think.**

Okay, here's the deal:

Naruto said yes but I have to give him a year supply of ramen with 3 percent of all profits so he can buy more ramen.

Neji said, "Are you fucking insane. I am not an adult star, I am a ninja and ninjas do not do such absurd things."- These are his exact words

Sasuke is still terrified about the whole fan girl molesting thing

Shikamaru didn't care

Gaara, well, threatened to choke me with his sand

Kakashi didn't bother listening to me; he was reading his 'book'

And for Itachi and Deidara, I still can't find them.

Kiba is more than willing to do it after some intense persuasion. I have to buy dog food for a month.

Now so far we have three models.

How the hell am I suppose to find/buy some ramen and dog food!!

Three down, six more to go...

The boys that actually accepted are requesting a professional photographer, not an amateur one.

P.S: We have to cut the yaoi pictures: It's hard enough to make them pose alone, with another boy is not going to happen.

**To: Sakura, Hanabi, Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Neji **

I know Neji, Ino and when he says he's not going to do it, he's not going to do it. There is no way he is going to pose.

No way.

**To: Sakura, Hanabi, Hinata**

**From: Ino**

**Re:**

Damn, damn DAMN!! Okay, here the deal, we have to find someone who is willing to risk everything to find and convince Itachi and Deidara

P.S: Fine no yaoi (pouts) but I still want other guys besides Kiba, Shikamru and Naruto!!

**To: All Fan Club Members**

**From: President of I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club**

**Re: Mission**

Anyone who is interested in risking their lives to convince two Akatsuki members to pose for the calendar please contract Ino, the president of the I love Hot Ninjas Club.

N.B: The club is not responsible for any injuries or deaths cause by the Akatsuki. You are at your own risk. But if you want to be recognized as a brave photographer please feel free to tell me.

Here are the calendar models for each month: This is not offical

January: Sasuke

February: Neji

March: Kakashi

April: Iruka

May: Itachi

June:

July: Kiba

August: Naruto

September: Shikamaru

October: Gaara

November: Deidara

December:

* * *

**To: Tenten**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Itachi and Deidara**

Okay, Hanabi, in vain, is trying her best to get some models to pose for the calendar and I feel that you can help me. So what do you think Tenten? You tell me where Itachi and Deidara are and I will give you a gift card to the Konoha Spa Center. I heard the new male masseuse is very hot.

And yes, just in case you were wondering, I am the president of the I Love Hot Ninjas' fan club and the moderator of the new calendar.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Tenten**

**Re: Bribe**

So it was you all along Ino. I should've known that you started this elaborate fan club. And for the little bribe? No can do, you have to offer something better than that. Do you know how long it took me to uncover the Akatsuki's hideout? So here's the deal: get me a date with Sasuke and I will tell you everything about our two favorite smexy villains.

* * *

**To: Tenten**

**From: Ino**

**Re:Re: Bribe**

A bigger deal?! I am giving you the legendary Kohona Spa Center gift card. For 300 dollars!! Isn't that enough??

* * *

**To: Tenten**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Ohhh**

Tenten, I never knew that you have a little crush on the little Uchiha. Aww how cute… But I am really sorry to say that the most admirable hottie is going gay. But, if you help us find Itachi and Deidara, I think I can help you on your little date.

* * *

**To: Hanabi, Sakura, Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Add ons**

After some keen observations, I have figured out that we need two more guys. I was thinking to add Lee and Shino. There are some potential fan girls waiting to worship them. What do you think?

We need people for December and June; if you hadn't noticed yet.

* * *

**To: Hinata**

**From: Ino**

**Re: What??**

Hinata are you insane? You can't use Shino or Lee; it is supposed to be a calendar for HOT ninjas NOT weird ones!!

* * *

**To: Tsunade**

**From: Anonymous**

**Re: Videotape**

I have the videotape Tsunade and I will post it all over the internet. I'm sure the Hokage Council will certainly enjoy this...

I have decided to name it: Hokage Gone Wild…

How does that sound?

But don't worry… I won't post it on the World Wide Web if and only if you obey my commands.

Bwahahahaha!!

* * *

**To: Iruka  
From: Hokage**

**Re: UGH!!**

Iruka I command you to find out who and where is the person that sent me that email. THIS IS AN ORDER!!

Tsunade, the Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**To: Lady Tsunade**

**From: Iruka, the creator of NIM**

**Re: Privacy regulations**

I'm sorry Tsunade, but I cannot help you… The person was signed as Anonymous which clearly means that he/she doesn't want to be known. I have to respect their privacy. It's the program policy.

And anyway, since there are no missions being distributed, Kakashi, Gai and I are taking a mini vacation.

* * *

**To: Iruka**

**From: Tsunade**

**Re: I don't care!**

Iruka, do you think I care about the stupid privacy regulations?! I want you to do it!! I am the Hokage!!

Tsunade, the Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**To: Jiraiya**

**From: Tsunade**

**Re:**

Jiraiya!! I want to see you in my office IMEDIATELY!!

* * *

**To: Tsunade **

**From: Jiraiya**

**Re: I knew you still loved me**

Ohh Tsunade, I knew you couldn't get enough of the great Jiraiya. I will come to your office ASAP. Do you want me to bring some sake just to celebrate the occasion?

* * *

**To: Lady Tsunade**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: Fan Club**

I am sad to say that this unofficial fan club is becoming an official one. The fan club has already around two hundred members and it's getting bigger by the minute. Apparently the fan club coordinator has requested for any of the members not to tell anyone his/her name. Therefore, the chance of us finding out who started this is very slim. But I have an idea: why don't you offer them a deal about the calendars? Like a donation from the profits? I am positive it can pay for your gambling escapade last month.

Please try to not kill Jiraiya. He is only here to help.

* * *

**To: Trusted Friend**

**From: Annoyed Friend**

**Re: damn pics**

I hate this job!! I can not take this…my own cousin thinks that I am molesting him!! I got to tell Ino that someone else has to replace me for that photographer for the calendar job. I am going to sleep and I am going to sty there until I regain my sanity.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: Hanabi**

Hanabi has told me about the little photography job she is doing for the fan club calendar and seems to mention that you, Ino, are some coordinator of said fan club. Please Ino, do tell. I am sure Lady Tsunade will love to hear about this.

* * *

**To: Shizune**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Fan Club**

I must sadly reveal that I, Ino, am the president and the founding member of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club. Please, I beg of you, do not tell Lady Tsunade; she will kill me. My problem is that the fan club has reached over 900 and I do not have any place or authorization to hold a meeting. So that is where you can in. Since you are the Hokage's trusted friend, I am sure that you will have no problem persuading her to legalize this club. Right?

P.S: Don't worry about the model's welfare. I will personally make sure that their pictures or their body parts are not harmed in any way. Please be prepared for a massive fan girl mob after this calendar is released. This means send in the bodyguards for all twelve men.

Thank you,

Ino,

President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: I knew it!**

So you were the one who made that fan club eh? I am not surprise, after all you are Ino. I have a deal: Donate some of the profits made to the calendar to the Hokage council and maybe, Lady Tsunade will authorize your fan club. But as you should know, Lady Tsunade is still unhappy about the videotape incident, so it may take a while.

For the bodyguard situation: this might also take some time. The Hokage council is still trying to find a way to tame the very energetic fans of Sasuke Uchiha. Did you hear what happened yesterday? Sasuke was chased by over fifty women for four miles.

Oooohhh are you going to have some pictures of Itachi and Gaara? They are kind of cute.

* * *

**To: Shizune**

**From: Ino**

**Re:Re: I knew it!**

I'm guessing you want a calendar too. And for the donations, I am sure that can be arranged.

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Models**

So I see that Hanbi still couldn't convince you to pose for the calendar eh? Join me Sasuke, or you should suffer a painful fate from your glorious fan girls.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: **

Ino, your death threats do not affect me in any way. I am not doing it and you can't make me!!

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Oh Really??**

Oh really? So I guess you don't mind that I tell the Hokage council that you and Naruto were the ones making out in the park. I'm sure they will take this information very well. Don't you think?

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re.??**

Wait…HOW?!

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Re: ??**

Simple. I found your little secret out from a very reliable source. Sasuke, It's your choice join me or face the Hokage, who is beyond pissed off about that videotape indicant. Your choice.

* * *

**To: Crazed Person**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: ugh**

You can't do that! That's blackmail!!

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Blackmail **

Blackmail? A beautiful thing. Don't you agree?

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: defeated**

You win Ino, I will pose for that stupid calendar of yours.

* * *

**To: ALL**

**From: Iruka, the creator of NIM**

**Re: vacation**

I am taking a brief vacation with some friends for a week. If there is any problems, please contact the Hokage.

P.S: Tsunade is heated after the email she just got. Try to be nice.

If anyone wants to know: Sasuke Uchiha is still alive after that horrendous chase yesterday. He has escaped with a couple of minor injuries.

* * *

**Did this one suck. Please review and tell me.**


	6. Chapter 6

****

Disclaimer: Ugh I hate this...I don't own anything.

**Thank you all for the reviews!!**

* * *

**Chapter 6:**

**To: Ino, Hinata, and Hanabi**

**From: Sakura **

**Re: Good News**

Well good news!

The calendars are on the verge of being sold out...entirely (the pre-orders ones. We may have to put in another order due to a high demand from corner stores). Apparently the news that Sasuke agreed to pose has caused a major uproar from his fan girls. I can't believe I am saying this but ladies this might be the best business idea in the history of business ideas.

P.S: There is seemed to be a rising fan club for the Sasunaru (Sasuke and Naruto) pairing. Apparently the rumor of the 'kissing by the academy' incident has gone around all five countries. You may want to inquire about that…

* * *

**To: Sakura, Hanabi and Hinata**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Will do**

Thank you Sakura, I will contact the president of the Sasunaru Fan Club at once.

* * *

**To: President of the Sasunaru Fan Club**

**From: President of the 'I Love Not Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Greetings**

Hello, I was wondering if you would offer some information about the Sasuke/ Naruto incident.

* * *

**To: The President of the 'I Love Not Ninjas' Fan Club**

**From: The President of the Sasunaru Fan Club**

**Re: Re: Greetings**

Sure. I have heard that your club is becoming extremely popular. How would you like to combine both clubs….but I would have to be the president…?

* * *

**To: President of the Sasunaru Club**

**From: President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: A deal**

I apprieciate your offer. But no offense but since it seems that the idea of combining clubs will not be suitable. How what about a little deal?

You give us the real rumors about Sasuke and Naruto and I will try my very, very, very, best to make them do a yaoi shoot.

What do you think?

* * *

**To: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club**

**From: The President of the Sasunaru Fan Club**

**Re: Details**

I understand. Okay, so here are the details:

Yes it is true our favorite soon to be yaoi couple was caught in a heated make out session near the Academy. Reasons or why this even happened is being investigated by our top Sasunaru spies. I will give you all of the details as soon as possible.

And for the yaoi deal…how about something a little more risky.

I think you get my point.

-Karen, President of the Sasunaru Fan Club

* * *

**To: The President of Sasunaru Fan Club**

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Deal**

Deal. I will keep in touch.

* * *

**To: Hinata**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Sasunaru Fan Club**

Hinata I want you to research the Sasunaru Fan Club, immediately. I want to know everything. Where their headquarters. How many members they attracted, their business deals...the whole nine yards.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Scared.**

Ino, I'm worried. The Sasunaru Fan Club is really scaring me. They even created their own paparazzi just to see if Sasuke and Naruto are getting together or not…

And have you seen their website? Talk about a little obsessive.

Here's the link:

Sasunarufanclub,NIM

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Another proposal**

Sasuke, my fellow friend, how would you like to pose for a yaoi picture. I'm sure that your fan girls will leave you alone if they think you are gay...what do you think?

Wait, I forgot, you have no choice. Evil, aren't I?

* * *

**To: Devil's Spawn**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re:**

I.HATE.YOU.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sakura**

**Re:**

Ino. It would be nice if you did a little work besides blackmailing everyone and their mother. Just a little suggestion you know.

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Excuse me?**

Excuse me, Haruno. But making all of these business proposals and alliances are not easy. In matter of fact, I have to contact a photographer right now.

* * *

**To: The CEO of the Five Country Modeling Agency**

**From: President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Photo Shoot**

Hello, I was wondering if you would be interested in being the photographer of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' fan club calendar? I will be willing to pay a reasonable price for your services.

**

* * *

**

To: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club

**From: Katsumi, CEO of the Five Country Modeling Agency**

**Re: Reply to email**  
Hello, this is Katsumi from the Five Country Modeling Agency. I have recently received your email about an interest in a photographer concerning your calendar. I will be more than willing to assist you and your cause.

I am free for the next two weeks, so if you want to have a deal please reply back to me ASAP.

**

* * *

**

To: Katsumi, CEO of the Five Country Modeling Agency

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Thank You**

I am very grateful that you are interested in taking part of the photo shoot. Since the fan club us having a little problem with contacting/convincing our preferred models to join to shoot, we may have to push the photo shoot until the end of next week. Just until we get everything under control.

* * *

**To: My future wife, even though she doesn't know it**

**From: Her future husband **

**Re: Have no fear; Jiraiya is here to save the day!**

My love, I have heard about that terrible email someone has sent you concerning out little 'issue'. Don't worry about it. I will send my private army to investigate immediately…even though I don't see what the big deal is. It's just a tape.

Tsunade, I know something that will make you feel a lot better. Why don't you come to my place and have some sake…and forget about everything.

* * *

**To: Asshole**

**From: The Hokage**

**Re: Ugh!**

Just a tape? JUST A TAPE!! Don't you understand what will happen to my career if 'it' gets into cyber chase!!

Since when do you have a private army? You know it is against the law to have any personal henchmen with out the authorization of the Hokage!!

And no Jiraiya, I will NOT go to your place.

-Tsunade the Hokage

FEAR ME!!

* * *

**To: My Love**

**From: Her love**

**Re: Fear me**

Hun, I think you should take the FEAR ME!! out. It's starting to creep everyone including me.

And for the private army, I was technically asking your permission in my last email.

Though I am quite sadden by your rejection to share some sake with me.

* * *

**To: Asshole**

**From: Hokage**

**Re: Whatever**

WELL IT SHOULD CREEP EVERYONE OUT!!

FEAR ME!! FEAR ME!! FEAR ME!!

* * *

**To: Hanabi**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: Hokage and the Tape**

What would happened if someone caught the Hokage being a little on the intimate side with someone else?

* * *

**To: Shizune**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Re: Hokage and the Tape**

Nothing much. Except the threat of posting whatever it was on the World Wide Web. The Hokage's reputation will probably be destroyed and the Hokage council will remove said Hokage.

Wouldn't that be interesting?

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Ino**

**Re: List**

Since having Iruka pose would be on the weird side (because he created NIM), I am replacing him with Chouji.

* * *

**To: Ino **

**From: Sakura**

**Re: Chouji**

Ino, I am sorry. I know that Chouji has, should I dare say it, become passably attractive, but he is not for the calendar.

* * *

**To: Sakura**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Why not?**

And why not? It is not like he is fat anymore! And anyway, this calendar was my idea so I can do whatever I want.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: Love?**

Oooh. Is it me or does Ino have a little crush on Chouji?

* * *

**To: Haruno**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Baka**

Shut up Sakura, just because you don't have a love life doesn't mean you have to interfere with mine and anyway, I think Chouji is cute...that's all...

**

* * *

**

To: Ino

**From: Sakura**

**Re: I am so smart.**

First of all Ino, my love life does not suck.

And second of all: I knew you liked him!

* * *

**To: Haruno**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Baka**

I don't like him baka. There is a difference between liking someone and think that they are just cute. Ugh, you are so immature.

* * *

**To: All Recent Models for the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**From**: **The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Updates**

Thank you all for accepting your role as a model for this wonderful calendar. I will be sending you all updates daily.

First off, I have the positions (no pun intended) you all will be in:

January: Sasuke

February: Naruto

March: Kakashi (pending approval)

April: Chouji

May: Neji (pending approval)

June: Kiba

July: Naruto

August: Shikamaru

September: Gaara (pending approval)

October: Deidara (pending approval)

November: Itachi (pending approval)

December: Group Photo

If there is any questions or concerns please contact me: presofiluvhotninjas.NIM

Oh and if any of you plan on backing out, I promise you that I will hunt you down…don't under estimate me. I am a very determined person.

P.S: I know I added Iruka to the list but since he is the one who made NIM, it would be kind of weird.

* * *

**To: Ino, Sakura, Hinata**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Expenses**

Okay, Ino, after about ten+ hours of doing ALL of the math (with a little help from Hinata), I have finally figured out our expenses. Here are the details:

Model Fee per Picture: 150 dollars (plus an extra 450 dollars of the extra demands)

Photographer Fee: 1,500 dollars

Photo development Fee: 375 dollars

Designer Specialist Fee: 560 dollars

Sharigan Calendar Inc. Fee: 3,200 dollars + tax

10,000 pre-release calendars (10 dollars a piece): 100,000 dollars

Total Cost: 106,235 dollars

Which we don't have…might I add…

But I think we can pay everyone once we obtain the money from the pre-sale calendar buys. The calendar should be price as 20.00 dollars a piece therefore we can make more than 200,000 and pay off the things above.

And for the 10,000 pre-sale calendars, about 92 percent is sold out. Later on, we can put out a demand for more calendars.

Another thing: Shizune had just informed me that Tsunade ordered us to have 15-20 percent of our earnings, minus the other expensive, to be donated to the Konoha and the sand Villages and/or notable charities.

Therefore since we would only have 93,765 dollars left, we would have to donate between 14,065 dollars and 18,753 dollars based on the sales of the pre-sale calendars.

After all of fees we would be left with at the most 75,000 dollars. Tsunade said that we have to donate about 65 percent of that to the club.

So what's my point?

Me, You, Hinata, and Sakura will only have 48,757 dollars. Each of us would get about 12,000 dollars…

Is this good or what? At this rate we can be millionaires in no time.

-Hyuuga Hanabi

Treasurer of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club

P.S: Ino, I guessing from the email you got from Neji that he is still not going to pose.

* * *

**To: All Fan Club Members**

**From: Your President, Ino**

**Re: Ideas**

Ladies and perhaps some gentlemen, I am sending this message out to all. My associates and I need some ideas to make more 'I Love Hot Ninjas' fan merchandise.

As for the calendar updates:

We are pending approval for some ninjas, but don't worry. We'll nail them.

I am proud to say that 92 percent of the pre-sale calendars are sold. Most of the proceeds will be donated to a charity and the Konoha and Suna Villages.

Just a reminder for those who still haven't put in an order for the calendar yet: please consider it. Large amounts of the funds are to benefit this club and the Konoha and Suna Villages.

Sincerely,

Ino, your president

* * *

**To: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club AND Hanabi**

**From: Hyuuga Neji**

**Re: Lawyers**

I hope you do realize that I am under the age of eighteen...I'm sure the lawyers will have a field day if I sue you for child pornography...just wanted you to know that before you try to blackmail me with your insane schemes.

Don't even try it.

* * *

**To: Neji**

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club**

**Re:?**

Insane schemes? Whatever do you mean?

**

* * *

**

To: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club

**From: Hyuuga Neji**

**Re: Don't play dumb**

You know exactly what I mean. I'm serious; if you try something I will make sure your life will be a living hell. And I will personally make sure of it.

* * *

**To: Neji**

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Club**

**Re: Hmm**

Wow, Neji, I never know you can be so hostile but your threats do not scare me. I will make you pose for the calendar one way or another.

You might as well accept your fate.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Tenten**

**Re: Whereabouts**

I may not be able to give you the exact location of the Atasuki camp but I can give you their NIM addresses. But due to security reason I will sent you that myself, in person.

You owe me, Ino, a lot.

And about our little deal: I want to alter it. Instead of getting me a date with Sasuke (he's is becoming a little psychotic for me…) I want a date with my second choice, Hyuuga Neji.

* * *

**To: Tenten**

**From: Ino**

**Re: ?**

You can't be serious…

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Tenten**

**Re: Yes**

As a heart attack.

* * *

**To: Tenten**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Fine**

Fine, I'll do it, but this is Neji you are talking about, it may take a while.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Tenten**

**Re: Ok**

Take your time, but I want my date.

* * *

**To: Hinata**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Help**

Hinata, I need your help. Okay, since Tenten gave me the NIM address of Itachi and Deidara, I have to set up a date with her and your cousin, Neji. Can you please find a way to make this date happen?

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Hunh?**

You want me to hook up Tenten with Neji? Oh this is going to be hard, but I will try my best.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Breaking News**

Ino, I have a breaking news update from Shizune.

According to her, who was told by Tenten who was told by Kankuro who was told by Temari, that there is a massive fan girl crowd (apparently by the dozens) approaching the Kazekage's residence as we speak.

Uh, I hope you do know that the Kazekage is Gaara.

See the problem?

* * *

**To: Temari**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Schemes**

I need someone who is manipulative, cunning, not to mention aggressive so my evil scheme can commence. And Temari, that's why I come to you. What do you say?

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Temari**

**Re: Ugh**

What do YOU want Ino?

* * *

**To: Temari**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Oh nothing…**

Just to persuade…or force your little brother, Gaara, to pose for the 'O Love Hot Ninjas' calendar…nothing major; this really shouldn't be a hard request.

* * *

**To: Ino**

**From: Temari**

**Re: **

I am sure that you are aware about the current situation surrounding my brother. He is on the verge of swallowing every, single, solitary Gaara fan girl with his sand.

But this should be fun. I would love to force the Kazekage to pose for your calendar.

This should be good.

* * *

**To: Teme**

**From: The Next Hokage**

**Re: Fan girls?**

Are fan girls really that bad?

* * *

**To: Dobe**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re:**

Uh, I don't know. Why don't you find out for yourself?

Oh I remember now…you signed up for that calendar thing, didn't you?

Good Luck, Dobe.

* * *

**To: Teme**

**From: Naruto**

**Re: Uh**

Uh…what is that supposed to mean? Am I supposed to be afraid?

* * *

**To: Dobe**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Oh nothing**

Oh nothing. And don't worry about being afraid. Your fears have just begun. Imagine what will happened after the calendar is finished.

* * *

**To: Ino, Hanabi**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: Plans**

When is this photo shoot going to happen? You still have to get all of the models together. Not to mention what are their going to wear and other accommodations.

Please tell me ASAP so I can tell Lady Tsunade about it…once she becomes stable again.

* * *

**To: Hanabi, Hinata, Saskura and Shizune**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Plan A**

Okay, ladies we need a plan. A very good one and we need it fast. You see our problem is convincing the two Atasuki members, whom I still need to talk to, and Neji to pose for the calendar. And for Gaara, I have asked his sister to do a little persuasion. I am positive she can handle it.

* * *

**To: Ino, Hanabi, Sakura and Shizune**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Neji**

Well I think I can help you out with Neji. When I went to talk to him about going out on a date with Tenten, he seemed a little too happy about it, even though he tried to hide it of course. Tell that to Tenten, Ino.

Anyway, he said that he wouldn't mind posing if Tenten wanted him to… (He didn't mean to say it…it kind of slipped.)

Weird isn't it?

So I think if we can find a why to persuade Tenten to persuade Neji to pose, it may happen.

* * *

**To: Hinata**

**From: Ino, Sakura, Hanabi, Shizune**

**Re: Thank you**

Hinata you are a genius- Ino

I will ask Tenten right now- Sakura

I think it will actually work- Shizune

Oooh, little Neji is in love. Isn't it so cute- Hanabi

* * *

**To: Sakura, Hinata, Hanabi**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Idea**

Okay, ladies what should our favorite guy wear? I know, how about nothing?

* * *

**To: Ino, Sakura, Hanabi**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: what?**

As in nude?

(blushes)

* * *

**To: Ino, Hinata, Sakura**

**From: Hanabi**

**Re: Are you crazy?**

We can't do nude! Are you loosing it?! This is not the adult business.

* * *

**To: Ino, Hinata, Hanabi**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: Sadly no.**

Hanabi's right, this isn't the adult business, but we _can_ do semi nude.

Because you know, we are making a calendar for hot ninjas, right? We need to see some skin.

Wink, wink.

**

* * *

**

To: Sakura

**From: Ino**

**Re: YES!**

For once I like the way you think Haruno.

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Kiba**

**Re: This is all your fault!**

If you weren't born then Ino wouldn't have to like you which means that this stupid club wouldn't have exist which mean I wouldn't have to be a model.

And for that, Sasuke, I hate you.

So does Akamaru.

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Hmm**

Kiba has a point. Your drama is becoming too troublesome

* * *

**To: Sasuke**

**From: Chouji**

**Re: Calendar**

Look Sasuke, I am sorry that Ino, once again, put you into all of this mess. I thought she would calm down after she ignited an entire 'I Love Sasuke' cult, but I was wrong.

But my point is this: maybe all of this fan girl chasing and the whole modeling thing will be an advantage for you in the far, far future. What do you think?

Oh yeah, just to let you know, remind Naruto that he still owes me fifty dollars for beating him in a ramen eating contest.

P.S: Don't fell too bad about the calendar thing; Ino forced me to do it too. I knew I shouldn't have lost all that weight…damn.

* * *

**To: Teme**

**From: Naruto**

**Re: Kiba's right!**

Kiba's right! This is all your fault! Darn you! It's because of you that I lost a ramen eating contest to the living garbage disposal!!

* * *

**To: Itachi and Deidara**

**From: The president of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' fan club**

**Re: Business Proposal**

I am sorry to interrupt whatever you two are doing but I am wondering if you two would like to pose for the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club. Now I know you two may have something better to do like terrorizing some village but seriously consider this…please.

If you want any accommodations, you send them to me. My team and I will try our very best to meet them.

And don't worry. We won't send any ninjas after you during the photo shoot process.

* * *

**To: Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru, and Teme**

**From: An annoyed Uchiha**

**Re: Damn you**

What happened to all of the support? Thanks to Ino, I'm the one getting chased by fan girls daily. Now, once again thanks to Ino, I have to pose for some stupid calendar half naked…WITH A GUY might I add…

But instead of some SYMPATHY from my supposed friends (perhaps except for Chouji), all I get is complaints about how I am the blame for this stupid mess in the first place.

Gee, thank you for your concerns. You all are way too kind.

Now if you don't mind. I have to go the infirmary AGAIN. I feel like complete crap thanks to the usual morning fan girl ritual of attempted rape.

Oh don't worry. I won't try to overdose my self with painkillers…

But just I case I do, you all will know why.

* * *

**To: Chouji**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Is Sasuke becoming suicidal?**

Wait was that just a suicide note? I think he needs to see some one. His attitude is too troublesome for me.

* * *

**To: Shikamaru**

**From: Chouji**

**Re: Sasuke**

Nah, I just think Sasuke is officially loosing his mind. Poor soul…

* * *

**To: Temari**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Request**

So, me being the idiot I am, agreed to pose for the fan club magazine, you know the one about hot ninjas. And I need to get out of it. NOW. So what do you say? Give an old friend a hand?

I hope you are still not upset about me beating you at the Chuuin Exams. It was nothing personal. I didn't even want to be a Chuuin; it was too troublesome.

No hard feelings right?

* * *

**To: Shikamaru**

**From: Temari**

**Re: GASPS**

Is this possible? You were actually able to write an entire email? I thought doing those things were too troublesome? Hehehe…

And anyway, you are a smart boy, I am sure you can figure your problem out…

* * *

**To: Temari**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Re: GASPS**

Real funny. But seriously I need your help.

* * *

**To: Shikamru**

**From: Temari**

**Re: Re: Re: GASPS**

I see what I can do, seeing how desperate you are. Shall we meet some where so we can discuss our terms?

* * *

**To: Temari**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: GASPS**

I thought you would never ask…

(grins)

* * *

**To: All NIM Users**

**From: The President of the 'I Love Hot Ninjas' Fan Club**

**Re: Reminder**

For those who are still interested in buying a calendar, it is still not too late.

This calendar will make a terrific gift!!

The calendar will cost 20.00 dollars and the majority of the funds will be donated to the Konoha and the Suna Villages, plus a charity (sorry about not donating to other villages, but these two villages are where the models are from…just to be fair.)

If you are interested in pre-ordering a calendar please send this information to the Sharigan Calendar Inc.

Name

Address

Telephone Number

NIM Address

Quantity

P.S: Since 92 percent of the pre-orders are sold there is only a limited amount of calendars left. We will produce more calendars momentarily.

Thank you very much.

* * *

**To: All NIM Users**

**From: Iruka, the creator of the NIM program**

**Re: News Update.**

The NIM program will be disabled during the week of August 17th for safety reasons concerning a photo shoot. It will stay disabled until I receive orders from the Hokage herself.

Also, the mailing company of all five countries is becoming bankrupt due to the NIM program. If any of the laid of mail carriers are interested in the NIM program, please contact me. My associates and I will try to work out a job for those who apply.

And lastly, because the Hokage is still mad about the 'closet' incident. They are no missions to be distributed this week, unless it has to deal with the conspirator against the Hokage herself.

Another Note: The photo shoot for the calendar will be in a secret location. Therefore any plans to kidnap any models or anything else in that nature will not work.

Another Note #2: Apparently they are rumors surrounding an email Uchiha Sasuke has sent to his fellow peers concerning an overdose threat. If anyone knows any details please contact me at once.

Another Note #3: If anyone knows about the 'paparazzi' from the Sasunaru Fan Club please contact the Hokage's Assistant, Shizune as soon as possible.

* * *

**I know I haven't updated for a while but I hope you like this chapter. It's the longest one yet. Please feel free to review as always.**


	7. The Rise of the Unofficial Fan Clubs

**The Rise of the Unofficial Fan Clubs and their Demands**

**Breaking News: **

Remember the whole calendar drama a few months back? Who wouldn't. It was only one of the most craziest ideas in history. The news about the photo shoot has reached all radio stations worldwide, including television, internet and the newspaper. There are talks about having sitcoms, talk shows, and NIMbooks concentrating around it. Fan girls and their quite overly ambitious fan clubs from all five countries are causing chaos in our village streets chanting and cheering about the new I LOVE HOT NINJAS' calendar. The photo shoot, which was scheduled for the week of August 17th had been pushed by over twenty three times because of the fan girl chaos. Now, being November, who knows if the shoot will be pushed back even more. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this small business proposal set up by a certain fan girl has gone out of control…even the villains are shivering away in fear so that they will not be chosen to participate in any fan girl controlled activity. According to our sources, the one ninja who is suffering the most from the calendar is the Konoha Village native, Uchiha Sasuke. Apparently, the calendar has caused him to be mentally disturbed and even agreed to pose in the nude because of his lack of sanity. But who can blame him? It's not like he isn't getting chased by his adoring fans, from left and right, old and young, daily. This calendar is going so dreadful for him, that he is reportedly hiding out in one of his friend's house until this entire ordeal is over. But don't worry I'm sure he is not the only one: the Kazekage of the Sand Village attempted to put down his very own fan girl exposition by using his sand (no injuries have been reported yet.)

But a warning to all: Three days from now is going to be the most hectic day in your lives, even more chaotic than when the Sand Village attempted to take over Konoha. So fasten your seat belts everyone; it's going to be a long…long…week.

-The NIM Konoha Associated Press

* * *

**To:** Members of the NIM

**From:** Iruka, the creator of Naruto Instant Messaging

**Re:** Status, news

I have decided, thanks to request by a certain ninja, to install a status package into the NIM program. Now users can write their status in the chat room program to aware their friends and others whether they are in the mood to talk to them or not. Note: All status should _remain_ PG-13 at ALL times. Meaning: no suggested topics or innuendos. That means you too, Jiraiya!

Because of this weekend's events, NIM will be shut down. Once again, the location of the photo shoot is STRICTLY confidential. There will be a meeting only concerning the presidents and the staff of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS and Sasunaru clubs and models at the Hokage residence. I must warn you, if you are not invited, you will suffer dire consequences if you come.

Meetings for tonight:

5:30 pm: meeting for models, staff of the I LOVE NOT NINJAS and Sasunaru fan clubs and Hokage Committee

6:00pm: SasuNaru Fan Club meeting

7:00pm: I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club meeting

8:00pm: Calendar Committee and corresponding clubs meeting

* * *

**To:** Members of the 'I LOVE HOT NINJAS' fan club

**From:** Ino, President of the 'I LOVE HOT NINJAS'

**Re:** we are back in business

Yes members, we finally did it. All potential members of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS' calendar have accepted or been forced (no injuries have occurred- we do not want to have their wonderful bodies scratched…hehehe) to pose. The photographer is coming to the I LOVE HOT NINJAS' headquarters as we speak. Also, thank you everyone for sending your ideas to the club for the new merchandise. So far we are looking into having:

Special Cups- like the ones in amusement parks or the zoo

T-shirts

Pens and Pencil

Candy Bars

Bookmarks

Please, by all means, if you have any more ideas (it has to be around the PG, PG-13 range) sent them to any of the key club members.

And lastly: since they are some deliberation on what the models should wear, I have decided to let you, the members of this great club to vote. If you have any suggestions (nude is out of the question) send them ASAP, so we have a poll.

P.S: unfortunately no one, excluding the models, photography staff and club staff- that is for strictly business, are allowed to personally watch the photo shoot due to security precaution.

P.S.S: Fan club staff contact me immediately.

P.S.S: We finally got Hyuuga Neji to accept our offer, though apparently he has some terms…

- Ino, founder and president of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club.

* * *

**To:** President of the I Love Hot Ninjas Fan Club

**From:** Mr. Uki, lawyer to Neji Hyuuga

**Re: **I Love Hot Ninjas calendar dispute

Although my client, Hyuuga Neji, has reluctantly accepted your 'invitation' to pose for your I Love Hot Ninjas calendar, he has some terms. Are you willing to negotiate our terms over dinner with Mr. Hyuuga and myself?

- Y. Uki, civil representative of the Konoha law firm

* * *

**To:** All members of the NIM program

**From:** Iruka, the founder of the NIM program

**Re:** Updates

Due to the mass backup of NIM messages thanks to the mail union leader, all of last weeks messages are deleted. I am sorry for this inconvenience but the leader will be caught and have to deal with the Hokage. The associated press for NIM Konoha is coming to the Hokage's office around 3 pm; therefore any appointments around that time are cancelled for the time being. The hokage has reminded me that if anyone knows any information about the tape, please contact her immediately.

Another Warning: Any person (s) present at the photo shoot and is not a model, club staff member or a part of the photo shoot crew will be removed from the premises immediately (and yes that does include unofficial ninja fan clubs)

* * *

**To:** Member of the Sasunaru Club

**From:** Karen, the president of the SasuNaru Club

**Re:** Calendars

Ladies, make sure you buy the limited edition of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club Calendar! It will have exclusive pictures of Sasuke and Naruto together (squeals). Ladies, our dream has come true. The President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS Fan Club has told me that Naruto and Sasuke are posing together and yes, they will be showing off some of their delicious bodies…lots and lots of it. Please give thanks to the mastermind of this: the president of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club. The calendars will cost 30.00 dollars. If interested please contact me.

* * *

**To:** Sakura

**From:** Ino

**Re:** ugh

So, Sasuke thinks he can hide away from me? I think not! I am going to blindfold him and force him out of Chouji's house. Or if that doesn't work, I have to find a way to kidnap him and he can't do a damn thing about it.

* * *

**To:** Ino

**From:** Sakura

**Re:** Are you crazy?

Ino, you cannot just barge into a house and kidnap him…that's illegal! Not to mention, how do you know he's in Chouji's house. We haven't seen him since September.

* * *

**To:** Sakura

**From:** Ino

**Re: Re:** Are you crazy?

Illegal shmegal…

I will not get in trouble because if Mr. Uchiha doesn't show up, then they will be no calendar, which means no donations to Konoha, which means Tsunade can't pay off her gambling debt! We are going to get Sasuke to pose for the calendar and no one and I mean no one is going to stop me, even if some Rank A mission worthy opponent tries to take over Konoha!

* * *

**To:** Chouji

**From:** Ino

**Re:** Sasuke!

Chouji! I demand you to get Sasuke, or else! Don't forget to tell him that they will be bodyguards present at the photo shoot!

* * *

**To:** Ino

**From:** Chouji

**Re: Re:** Sasuke

Ino, I will try my best but let me remind you that is YOUR fault that Sasuke's becoming mentally insane (with the help of his 'unofficial' fan clubs). Therefore do not be surprised if I cannot change his mind.

* * *

**To:** Ino

**From:** Shizune

**Re:** Big trouble

Tsunade is not pleased about your recent request to have not one, but TWO Atatsuki members in the calendar. She requires your presence at her office in an hour about this situation. I highly suggest you choose your words carefully.

* * *

**To:** Sasuke

**From:** Chouji

**Re:** Sanity

Sasuke haven't heard from you in awhile, are you okay? I mean your threat to overdose yourself is scaring me to death…this is getting worse than the time when the store ran out of chips…and that was scary. I know that you are currently training now, but my parents are getting restless because they think you are turning suicidal (hmmm I wonder why?), but don't worry, you can still hide in my closet.

But, I hope you regain your strength and sanity by tomorrow because you are going to need them.

Good News: according to Ino, there is going to be some massive security guards surrounding the photo shoot, and they apparently specialize in dealing with rabid fan girls. That should bring your hopes up…

And another thing: what do we have to wear for tomorrow?

* * *

**To:** Chouji

**From:** Sasuke

**Re:** Right...

I would flat out curse you or insult you right now, but since, unlike those traitors, are you such a good friend, I won't

And no, I will not overdose myself, unless I have no other choice.

And the security guards? Fan girls have evil minds, and they will find a way, anyway, to bug me and those security guards can't do a damn thing.

Now if you excuse me, I'll bury myself under my bed…or is it yours?

* * *

**To:** Ino

**From:** Chouji

**Re:** Sasuke

What did you do to Sasuke? He's becoming more emo than before. Please Ino, the sake of the Uchiha's mental and physical state, do not do anything drastic.

* * *

**To:** Chouji

**From:** Ino

**Re: Re:** Sasuke

I'm sorry Chouji, but business is business. Sasuke should've thought about that before he decided to turn me down 347 times (yes I actually counted them.)

* * *

**To:** Ino

**From:** Temari

**Re:** Gaara

Ino, am I good or am I good? Gaara has reluctantly agreed to pose for your calendar due to some intense persuasion on my part. He will come tomorrow at approximately seven am and he promised that he will not use his sand for any violent purposes. I will also request to accompany him just to make sure he behaves.

* * *

**To: **Temari

**From: **Ino

**Re: Re:** Gaara

Are you sure that is the _only_ reason why you want to come?

* * *

**To:** Yamanaka Ino

**From:** Tsunade, the Hokage of Konoha

**Re:** What?

Ino, what the hell are you doing?!! You CANNOT let members of the Atatsuki, no matter how attractive they may be, into Konoha!!!

-Tsunade, THE Hokage

FEAR ME!!!

* * *

**To:** Lady Tsunade

**From:** Yamanaka Ino

**Re: Re:** What?

Who said they were coming into the village? Don't worry Hokage. I have this under control.

And a word of advice: What's up with the fear me at the end of every one of your messages? You should take it off.

* * *

**To:** Temari

**From:** Shikamaru

**Re:** Thanks

You have saved my life from complete troublesomeness (is that even a word). I must find a way to repay you. Anything you want, I'll do.

* * *

**To:** Shikamaru

**From:** Temari

**Re:** Hmm

Anything?? (smirks)

* * *

**To:** Temari

**From:** Shikamaru

**Re:**

Anything, unless of course it's something illegal. I do not feel like facing Tsunade (if you haven't notice she is still upset about the videotapes)

* * *

**To:** ALL

**From:** Uchiha Sasuke

**Re:** Future career

My mental state is shattered. Don't be surprised if I just happened to join my brother and the Atasuki after this hellish photo shoot is over.

* * *

**To:** Hatake Kakashi

**From:** Sarutobi Asuma

**Re:** Uchiha's message

I have received the most horrifying news from your student, Sasuke. He threatened to join the Atasuki as soon as the photo shoot is finished. Did you get it?

P.S: Are you really posing for the calendar? Because if you are, maybe you can make sure Sasuke does not join the Atatsuki.

* * *

**To:** Sarutobi Asuma

**From:** Kakashi

**Re: Re:** Uchiha's message

Yes, I got the message. Don't worry about Sasuke. He'll be fine in no time.

And yes, I have to pose for that calendar…I rather not talk about it.

* * *

**To:** President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS CLUB

**From:** President of the Gaara is the best Kazekage fan club

**Re:** Shirts

I heard that you were selling shirts of our favorite ninja. Can you please send some to this club? It would be greatly appreciated.

* * *

**To:** President of the Gaara is the best Kazekage fan club

**From:** President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club

**Re: Re:** Shirts

Well, I am more than welcome to support your cause for your kazekage. I will meet with my staff and I will contact you ASAP. But if you want a T-shirt of your favorite kazekage, we need a slogan to put on it. When this is finalized, I will be more than happy to send approximately two hundred units to you in various sizes.

* * *

**To:** Yamanaka Ino

**From:** Gaara, Kazekage of Sand Village

**Re:**

The only reason why I will not viciously kill you because of this photo shoot is because you are Hinata's best friend…consider yourself lucky.

* * *

**To:** The Future wives of Hatake Kakashi

**From:** Dana, the leader of the FWHK

**Re:** Good news!

Ladies, it has been finalized. Hatake Kakashi is posing for the calendar!!! If you want to have some 'selected' pictures of your future husband, contact me immediately.

* * *

**To:** President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB

**From:** The leader of the FWHK

**Re:** Pictures.

Hello, I am Suki Dana, the leader and founder of the Future Wives of Hatake Kakashi Society. I was wondering if you can sell me some of the pictures of Hatake Kakashi that would be taken in the photo shoot.

* * *

**To:** Leader of the FWHK

**From:** President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB

**Re: Re:** Pictures

That can be arranged. I will give you the quantity and the price as soon as I can. There will be a meeting for all ninja fan clubs' presidents tomorrow morning after the press conference in Konoha. Please make every effort to come.

* * *

**Chat Room: Only key memebers of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS club and models**

_**InoluvSasuke4eva signs in and opens chat room**_

IluvSasuke4eva: Boys, I know you are probably not very happy with me—

_**Chipsarama signs in**_

Chipsarama: You think?

Akamarumaster signs in

Akamarumaster: Ino, you ruined my life…and Akamaru's!

_**Ihavnopatience4idiot signs in**_

Ihavnopatience4idiot: My clan thinks I am going to become a man whore because of this!

**Ramenrulz signs in**

Ramenrulz: Thanks to you, I have a new fan club! Again!

_**Mr. Sandman signs in**_

: A kazekage has to be looked up upon for wisdom and aide. I cannot be seen as some immature person who likes to expose himself.

_**Peoplertroublesome signs in**_

Peoplertroublesome: Do you understand how much troublesome you put me through? I can't even stare at the clouds without someone professing their undivided love for me.

_**Uchihasasuke signs in**_

Uchihasasuke: I don't even want to start on how I feel right now.

Chipsarama: Ino, you've gone too far with this calendar.

IluvSasuke4eva: Okay, okay, okay. I got it. You all are mad at me.

Chipsarama: I think mad is a slight underestimate

IluvSasuke4eva: Shut up Chouji!

Ramenrulz: Haha

IluvSasuke4eva: Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted. My staff and I decided that since we may put a lot of stress on you all, we have decided to make a merchandise empire concentrating on you.

Akamarumaster: And this is going to help us how?

Uchihasasuke: Are you insane?!

IluvSasuke4eva: Well, since we will be making profit because of this, you all can be filthy rich and famous.

Ramenrulz: I don't want to become famous!

Uchihasasuke: I want my pride back!

IluvSasuke4eva: Well Sasuke, if you hadn't denied me so many times, I might have been more lenient on you.

Uchihasasuke: What?

Chipsarama: …

Peoplertroublesome: It's just to show you: Karma is a bitch.

_**Peoplertroublesome, Chipsarama, Uchihasasuke, Ramenrulz, Akamarumaster, , ihavnopatience4idiot, and InoluvSasuke4eva signs out

* * *

**_

**Status:**

Uchihasasuke: my pride and dignity are diminishing by the second.

Chipsarama: doomsday= this weekend. Not even chips or ramen can save me now…

IluvSasuke4eva: Saturday, Showtime baby!!! Only days to go! Reminder: Clubs and models meetings are starting at approx. 5:30 pm. All people involved are expected to be present.

Peoplertroublesome: has now become anti-fan girls

Temisbestxoxo: Out with Shika, do not get any ideas! Strictly business!

Pinkhairedhottie: has unofficially become a yaoi fan thanx to a certain club president. SasuNaru 4 eva! Do not worry; I am still an active member of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS CLUB.

Ihavnopatience4idiot: currently in a meeting with my lawyers…

Ichaichaman: come to my paradise, T. I'll be waiting next to your sake. Please, by all means…bring the whips and chains.

Akamarumaster: teaching Akamaru new tricks while trying to avoid crazed fan girls.

Mr. Sandman : staring out of his window…all he sees is those annoying girls

* * *

**To:** All models

**From:** Kiba

**Re:** Sasuke!

Once again this is all Sasuke's fault! Let's revolt!

* * *

**To:** All models, Kiba

**From:** Sasuke

**Re: Re:** Sasuke

Ino, is a very dangerous determined person. She managed to start a new official fan club for hot ninjas, somehow persuaded to organize a new calendar business proposal in a matter of a week which I have to pose half naked for and is probably going to exploit us ALL in more business proposals (look at the NIM mail she just sent out). So do not put all of the blame on me. It is Ino you should be after; I'm just the victim. But I have an idea: what about a union. We may as well accept the fact that we cannot get out of this photo shoot so why don't we form a union so our rights can be protected (just in case rabid fan girls attack us.) Ino assured me that they will, regrettably, like I had stated previously, be more business schemes in the future, so we might as well have some benefits from it. What do you all say?

* * *

**Chat Room: Only models are invited…except Sasuke**

_**I havnopatience4idiot signs in and opens chat room**_

Ihavnopatience4idiot: Well based on today's events maybe we should consider Sasuke's proposal?

_**Ramenrulz signs in**_

Ramenrulz: Yea, it sure beats crying to Kakashi- sensei about scary girls chasing me all over Konoha.

_**Akamarumaster signs in**_

Akamarumaster: Crybaby!!! Hahahahaha.

Ramenrulz: Shut up Kiba, you do too!

Akamarumaster: No I don't!

Ramenrulz: Yes you do!

Akamarumaster: No I don't!!

Ramenrulz: Yes you do!!

Ihavenopatience4idiot: Look, I did not make this chat room to hear you two idiots argue about who is a crybaby!

_**Peoplertroublesome signs in**_

Peoplertroublesome: Yea, Neji's got a point. These fan girls are getting out of control.

_**Mr. Sandman signs in**_

Mr. Sandman: I agree. I am rather bothered by the fact that my fan base is currently camping outside of my quarters. I would love to swallow them with my sand, but Temari told me I couldn't…sadly.

_**Chipsarama signs in**_

Chipsarama: They even have my socks for auction/sale!!! How the hell did they get my socks!?!

Akamarumaster: Dude. That sucks ass.

Mr. Sandman: who would want a pair of socks?

Akamarumaster: Wait… Ahahahahah…Mr. Sandman?!!! What's up with the screen name?

Mr. Sandman: For your information, dog boy, someone made me get one. Trust me, I have other things to do than be on this worthless chat room.

Ramenrulz: Why don't you shut up, Kiba.

Akamarumaster: Leave me alone!

Peoplertroublesome: I have an idea: why don't both of you be quiet? You should try it.

_**Ramenrulz signs out**_

Ihavnopatience4idiot: Anyway, so what do you all say? Shall we have a union?

Peoplertroublesome: Yes.

Mr. Sandman: I shall comply with the offer.

Chipsarama: What about Kakashi, Deidara and Itachi?

Peoplertroublesome: Oh…OH

Akamarumaster: Damn. I forgot about them.

Ihavnopatience4idiot: Come on guys, they don't need a union. Kakashi is strong enough as it is and Deidara and Itachi are apart of the Atatsuki for heavens sake. They'll be fine.

Mr. Sandman: Are you implying that we are weaklings?

Ihavnopatience4idiot: No, Gaara. I am implying that they are grown ups, they'll be fine. So, i guess you all agree about the union. I will tell Sasuke right now.

_**Mr. Sandman**__**, Akamarumaster, ihavnopatience4idiot, Peoplertroublsome and Chipsarama signs out

* * *

**_

**New status change:**

Uchihasasuke: you all are traitors. Itachi…how would you like to invite me into the Atasuki, so you and I can have some quality brotherly bonding time? Everything and all grudges against you will be dropped. I promise.

Chipsarama: I want my socks back!

* * *

**To:** Sasuke

**From**: Itachi

**Re:**

So, little brother, you finally have come to your senses… At last, now you can have some of my muffins. Welcome to the dark side. How about we both terrorize the person who started this entire fiasco? I heard you are suffering greatly thanks to this calendar.

* * *

**To:** Members of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB, Sasunaru Fan Club and Hokage Committee.

**From:** Uchiha Sasuke

**Re: **

First, let me address to all: I am not, let me repeat, I am not going to have an alliance with the Atatsuki. Although, I am aware that I have claimed to looking forward to associate my self with the team, but that is only because my mental health is deteriorating at the time thanks to a certain female ninja.

But the point of me sending this mass NIM mail is not to prove my innocence but on the behalf of all of the models, including my brother. We will (attempt) to cooperate during the photo shoot session. We, as a whole, promise to not send any jutsus after, kill or mutilate anyone, but highly request that **only** professionals…and sadly the staff the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club and Sasunaru Fan Club are present during the photo shoot.

Secondly, And for the models' rewards: Since there seemed to be a problem with accomplishing our demands, the models and I requested that any proceeds to said rewards will be given to an organization of our choice.

But finally, the models and I already unwillingly accepted the fact that, this calendar dilemma will never going to go away, we fully submit ourselves to the fate of this calendar but will cannot pose in any inappropriate way, including in the nude. We, as in the models, are under the age of eighteen, which is the age when we are finally adults (Itachi, Kakashi, and Deidara are the only exceptions.). We have formed an alliance, the Ninja Model Union Committee, just in case someone decides to invade our yes…and yes, we have lawyers.

Thank you,

Uchiha Sasuke, spokesperson/ representative of the Ninja Model Union Committee (NMUC)

* * *

**To:** Uchiha Sasuke

**From:** Tsunade, the Hokage of Konoha

**Re:** Response to your current email.

Sasuke Uchiha, come to my office immediately! I refuse this type of behavior! You cannot form any unions without my permission.

* * *

**To:** Uchiha Sasuke, Ninja Model Union Committee, Hokage Committee

**From:** Staff of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB and the Sasunaru Fan Club

**Re: Re:**

That can be arranged.

* * *

**To:** Shizune

**From:** Tsunade, the Hokage of Konoha

**Re:** Union? What union?

There is a Ninja Model Union Committee? Since when? They can't verify a union unless it goes through me? What the hell is going on Shizune?

* * *

**To:** Lady Tsunade

**From:** Shizune

**Re: Re:** Union? What union?

Since, the president of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB got out of control. You should see what she did to persuade the ninjas to pose for her calendar. Talk about scary. I think you should validate this union. It is for the safety of the ninjas, our allies. Just think what will happen if some new threat comes to Konoha and we can't defend our selves as much because the male ninjas are injured due to the massive fan population, and trust me, Lady Tsunade, they can get ugly.

P.S: So I see that Jiraiya convinced you to stop using FEAR ME!!!!! hmmm….wonder why?

* * *

**I know I haven't updated in a while but that is only because of stupid sports and a certain class that I ruining my life. This was supposed to be a longer chapter but I decided to break it into two because it would just be confusing. Not my best though, I admit. I know Hanabi is younger than Hinata, but for the sake of this story, I'm making her a bit older (not much). I have the next chapter almost done but I'll possibly try to update before Christmas. As always, thank you all for the reviews.**


	8. The Good, the Bad and the Naked

**The Good, the Bad and the Just Plain Naked**

-

**When the Fan Girls Attack**

So do you remember back in Ninja Academy there was always that one person that everyone seemed to love? I sure do and I am sure that I have been one of those people who were jealous of said person, but I think I am changing my position. From what I am seeing from the recent fan girl activity, I really feel sorry for those posing in the calendar. There have even been reports of crazed fan girls, mailing themselves; yes I said mailing, to the models' homes. Talk about creepy. So the moral of this story is simple: don't be jealous, be lucky that you don't have tons of fan girls/boys trying to rape you.

* * *

**To: ALL member of NIM**

**From: Umino Iruka, the founder of the NIM program**

**Re: Updates**

After spending hours and hours trying to persuade the mailman union leader that hacking the NIM service was not going to end well, we, as in the union leader and the Hokage Committee had agree to upgrade the current NIM program, which of course with some consent from the union.

New Upgrades:

1. there will still be no charge for the program

2. any mailman or woman affected by the strike will have to chance to work for NIM

3. due the increase of popularity of the controversial gossip magazine, the Konoha Inquirer, the CEO agreed to create a new webzine.

4. I have established a new program that records any important meetings/conferences. However, only the key members of said clubs/committees are allowed to see it.

**

* * *

To: Ino**

**From: Neji**

**Re: Negotitiations**

Ino, since there is no way I can get out of this dreadful photo shoot, I want something in return, which you can't really refuse since you are violating the privacy of a minor.

**

* * *

To: Neji**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Re: Negotiations**

What is that you want Neji?

**

* * *

To: Ino**

**From: Neji**

**Re: Re: Re: Negotiations**

Nothing much: just a date with Tenten.

**

* * *

To: Tenten **

**From: Admirer**

**Re: My love**

My love for you is infinite. The life of mine will be no longer worth living if you are not by my side. Please do not take my feelings for you for granted. If you feel the same way, meet me near the Konoha gates at midnight.

**

* * *

To: Insane Stalker**

**From:**

**Re: **

Who the hell are you and why are you hitting on MY Tenten? I highly suggest, for your safety, that you stay away from her or else!

**

* * *

To: The president of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB**

**From: Sarutobi**

Re: Calendar request

May I please have an order for the Hatake Kakashi special edition calendar?

**

* * *

To: Sakura**

**From: Kakashi-sensei**

**Re: Calendar?**

Wait…did I miss something? Since when do I have a special edition calendar?! I demand an answer Sakura.

**

* * *

To: Kakashi-sensei**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: I don't know**

Kakashi-sensei, you will have to talk to Ino about that. I assure you that I have nothing to do with that.

**

* * *

To: ALL member of the ILHN fan club**

**From: Ino, president/ CEO of the ILHN fan club and Corporation**

**Re: Update**

Good news ladies: The Hatake Kakashi Special Edition Calendar is already sold out!

**

* * *

To: President of the ILHN fan club**

**From: Hokage**

**Re: request**

May I request an order of the Hatake Kakashi Special Edition Calendar. It's for my little cousin.

**

* * *

To: Addressed to ALL club leaders, Hokage Committee Members and Models.**

**From: The Five Country Identification Agency**

**Re: Notice**

Notice: There will be a calendar press conference at the Hokage's office this mid afternoon. If you get this message then you are invited to attend. Any club president will have the honor to talk to the press. Thank you.

**

* * *

To: Iruka, the founder and creator of the NIM program**

**From: President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club**

**Re: Screen names and address**

I was wondering if you have the screen names/ NIM addresses of Uchiha Itachi and Deidara? I need to contact them for the plans and procedure of the photo shoot tomorrow.

- President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club

**

* * *

To: Ino**

**From: Iruka**

**Re: Screen names**

Here it is, only because it is for business purpose. Please do not tell Tsunade about this.

Itachi- Sharinganmaster

Deidara: Evilblondman

**

* * *

To: Iruka**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Re: Screen names**

Okay. Thank you.

**

* * *

To: President of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club**

**From: President of the Gaara is the Best Kazekage Fan Club**

**Re: Re: Re: Shirts**

We will love the shirt to say: Gaara: The Kazekage of Complete Hotness. Join his official (yes it's official, thanks to our connections) fan club today! Have a really hot picture of him in the front.

**

* * *

To: Uzimaki Naruto**

**From: Katsumi, CEO of the Five Country Modeling Agency**

**Re: Modeling**

Hello, Uzimaki Naruto,

I am writing this email to inform you that you and your former team mate/best friend, Uchiha Sasuke, will be posing in the new ILHN calendar. Together. Wearing absolutely nothing…maybe accept you ninja bands (is that what it's called? I asked my colleagues but they do not know either…).

- Katsumi, CEO of the FCMA

**

* * *

To: Random Person**

**From: The future hokage**

**Re: No!**

That is a violation of my privacy! I want my lawyer!

**

* * *

To: All females**

**From: The Kazekage**

**Re:**

I do not and will not approve of this fan club of mine. Anyone who trespasses own my property again without my permission will suffer catastrophic consequences.

-Thank you,

The Kazekage

**

* * *

To: Jiraiya**

**From: Kakashi**

**Re: Tape? **

Is there something you need to tell me? Iruka-chan said that you and Tsunade were doing "stuff" and someone taped you.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, many people make tapes.

**

* * *

To: Kakashi**

**From: Jiraiya**

**Re:Re: Tape?**

You shouldn't be talking. You're lucky I didn't tell Tsunade about you and Iruka. Now if you don't mind: I have to hide from Hurricane Tsunade. She sent some shinobi after me, Thank you Kakashi, for your incredible wits and wisdom (I hope you can trace my sarcasm)

**

* * *

To: (Censored Adressess)**

**From: Sai**

**Re: ****this is war!**

We'll show those losers in these five countries that we are better man than they will ever be.

The bet is on: $500 dollars for the best team!

You know what I'm talking about right?

**

* * *

To:**** Sasuke, Kiba, Naruto, Shino, Shikamaru and Neji**

**From: Lee**

**Re: Bet**

Did you hear? Sai is betting five hundred dollars that he (and a couple of unknown ninjas) are a better men than all of us guys put together!

Prove him wrong! Resend if you want more information. Revive your youthfulness!!! YOSH!

This is for our dignity; don't let those losers win!

**

* * *

To:**** Rock Lee**

**From:**** Kiba and Shino**

**Re: Re: ****Bet**

We accept! Bring it on!

**

* * *

**

**To: Lee**

**From: Neji**

**Re: Re: Bet**

Are you insane? Do you want even more fan girls to molest us?!

**

* * *

To: Lee**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Re: Bet**

I will love to assist you and your 'bet' but I am too busy running away from rabid fan girls…did I ever tell you that they are quite strong?

**

* * *

To: All memebers of the Hokage Village**

**From: Shizune**

**Re: Behavior.**

I have been informed by sources (whom I shall not name) that there have been reports of inappropriate behavior going around in the club meetings. All of the inhabitants of this village should know that attempting to burn down your Hokage's headquarters or betting on whose assets are bigger is not tolerated in the Hokage's headquarters. Those who disobey shall suffer consequences (over two hundred gruesome extra hours our training…with Gai.)

Sasuke and Naruto: report to the Hokage's office at once.

**

* * *

To: Members of the Sasunaru Club**

**From: Karen, President of the Sasunaru Club**

**Re: Thank you cyberspace!**

Update on Sasunaru: Thanks to our fellow club members, the tape of Sasuke and Naruto has been posted on NIM at the club website for everyone to see!

Also, I will host a short meeting near the Konoha gates. Please attend if you can.

**

* * *

To: Sasuke and Naruto**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Park incident**

Did you two really kissed in the park? Or is this some rumor that is spreading around?

**

* * *

To: Hinata**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Re: Park incident**

No comment. I've never been more embarrassed and violated in my life.

**

* * *

To: Hinata**

**From: Ramen King!!!**

**Re: Re: Park incident**

Who told you that?!!!

**

* * *

To: Sasuke**

**From: Chouji**

**Re: Fangirls**

They're at it again. I overheard a couple of them talking about attempting to kidnap you and their new established victim, Gaara. Just warning you and Ino told me that Tsunade said you may be posing in the nude. Isn't that illegal?

**

* * *

To: Chouji**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re:Re: Fangirls**

Posing nude? I don't even care anymore. My pride and self-esteem were thrown out the window a long time ago. If Ino wants a damn picture of me naked, then she can fucking have one!

**

* * *

To: Sasuke**

**From: Umino Iruka**

**Re: Profanity rule. **

Uh, Sasuke, I understand that you are in distress but you are not aloud to use profane language in the NIM program. Because of your current situation, I will let this incident go.

**

* * *

Couple's Anonymous: Your First Class Source for your Fave Couples**

Sasuke and Naruto: Okay, I know, they are not technically a couple but according to the ever so grateful members of the Sasunaru club, things between our favorite rivals are heating up. It's about time. I thought I was going to die of old age if they didn't hook up soon. All I have to say is that I pray the Hokage doesn't find out about this.

**

* * *

To: ALL subscribed members**

**From: Konoha NIM Inquirer**

**Re: Poll**

New Poll: Are Uchiha Sasuke and Uzimaki Naruto gay?

-Hell No

-Maybe

-They're most likely bi

-Definitely yes

-they must be secretly dating

- not sure

Thank you for replying to the poll!

**

* * *

To: ALL suscribers**

**From: The Konoha NIM Inquirer**

**Re: Results**

Results:

30 percent: not sure

24 percent: they're most likely bi

12 percent: hell no

17 percent: definitely yes

6 percent: maybe

1 percent: they must be dating

Thank you all for voting!!

**

* * *

To: Hinata**

**From: Gaara**

**Re: Tonight**

You, me, and the lovely sunset near the gates of the Sand Village…what do you say? I'll pick you up.

**

* * *

To: Gaara**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Re: Tonight**

Oooo…you're such a tease :) I'll be ready in a half an hour.

**

* * *

To: Members of the Gaara is the best Kazekage Fan Club**

**From: Your president**

**R: Sadness**

Ladies, our fave Kazekage is officially taken. Reports are saying that Gaara as asked a certain Hyuuga out for a date. We shall mourn.

**

* * *

To: Sasuke**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Deliberation**

Well after hours of deliberation on your behalf with the Nara Clan's lawyers and the Hokage Committee (primarily Tsunade), they had all agreed that you, Uchiha Sasuke, would be posing for the calendar…naked.

**

* * *

To: Shikamaru**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Re: Deliberation**

Wait. You're joking? That old hag is allowing me to pose in the nude? Are you serious? Doesn't she fucking understand that I am not even eighteen yet?! Oh come on, Shikamaru, you have an intelligent mind. Can't you figure out someway to NOT let this happen? Can't you?!!!

**

* * *

To: Sasuke**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Re: Re: Deliberation**

Sorry, man. The hokage's word is law. I'm taking that you didn't hear about the other thing?

**

* * *

To: Shikamaru**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: Deliberation **

What other thing?!!!

**

* * *

To: Sasuke**

**From: Shikamaru**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Deliberation **

Oh so you don't know…

**

* * *

To: Shikamaru**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Deliberation**

Tell me! I must know!

**

* * *

To: Sasuke **

**From: Shikmaru**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: **

I rather not. Maybe when you let out some steam. I am in no mood to go to a funeral because of heart attack.

**

* * *

To: Shikamaru**

**From: Sasuke**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Deliberation**

Uchihasasuke: Tell me!!!

**

* * *

CHAT ROOM:**

_**Peoplertroublesome opens chat room**_

Peoplertroublesome: This plan better work…or else…

_**Temisbestxoxo signs in**_

Temisbestxoxo: Or else what? You'll get all troublesome on me?

Peoplertroublesome: Very, very, funny…

Temisbestxoxo: Don't worry about it.

Peoplertroublesome: Temari…

Temisbestxoxo: I said DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT!

Peoplertroublesome: Okay fine…still on for tonight.

Temisbestxoxo: Yours or mine?

Peoplertroublesome: Mine, I do not feel like dealing with your brothers.

Temisbestxoxo: Good idea.

Peoplertroublesome: My place at 7 pm

Temisbestxoxo: Fine, make sure you bring the x props.

Peoplertroublesome: X props?

Temisbestxoxo: The X props

Peoplertroublesome: What the hell are those?

Temisbestxoxo: You cannot be serious…the x props!!

Peoplertroublesome: Oh those x props…

Temisbestxoxo: Ugh…

Peoplertroublesome: I'm sorry. What's up with the codenames?

Temisbestxoxo: Because! Ugh never mind, I'm signing off.

_**Temisbestxoxo signs off**_

Peoplertroublesome: Sakura, When will the calendar staff meet?

_**Pinkhairedhottie signs in**_

Pinhairedhottie: Right after the photo shoot.

Peoplertroublsome: I will only tell you this because you are Sasuke's team mate: I've decided not to break the news to Sasuke. I think he is still disturbed over the fact that he is posing naked. I think telling him that he is posing with Naruto will sent him over the edge.

Pinkhairedhottie: Wait a sec…Uchiha Sasuek as in THE Uchiha Sasuke is posing with NAURTO!!!!???!!!!

Peoplertroublesome: I see I should've kept that to myself…your spelling is getting out of hand.

Pinkhairedhottie: (SQEALS!!!!!) OMG, you've just made my day! Must tell everyone!!!

Peoplertroublesome: girls are so troublesome

_**Peoplertroublesome signs out**_

Pinkhairedhottie: Hinata sign in now!

_**Shyhyuuga signs in**_

Shyhyuuga: hey what's up?

Pinkhairedhottie: Sasuke and Naruto, is posing together…naked.

Shyhyuuga: wait, what?

Pinkhairedhottie: exactly!

Shyhyuuga: can they even do that?!

Pinkhairedhottie: I guess so, but guess what I saw.

Shyhyuuga: what Ino?  
Pinkhairedhottie: Did you see this?

Shyhyuuga: What?

Pinkhairedhottie: Shikamaru and Temari were holding hands when they got out of the ramen shop.

Shyhyuuga: No…

Pinkhairedhottie: Yes. I'm afraid so.

Shyhyuuga: Shikamaru and Temari?!!! That's impossible.

Pinkhairedhottie: Apparently not. Do you think there is something going on between them?

Shyhyuuga: I don't know…but I have to go now. I am meeting someone very soon. Bye!

_**Shyhyuuga signs off.**_

_**Kingspandex signs on**_

kingspandex: my love for you, Sakura, is inestimable. Why do you disregard my feelings for you? Is it my youthfulness?

Pinkhairedhottie: fix the eyebrows, become normal, loose the spandex AND please stop saying youthfulness!: then we'll talk.

**

* * *

Breaking news:** Sources are saying that our favorite Konoha's native, Uchiha Sasuke will be posing in the nude in the most anticipated calendar, The ILHN fan club calendar. Any comments from the young ninja has been denied, but I am sure he is quite please about this (in a very sarcastic way). I wonder what will happen if he finds out whom he is posing with (hehehe I'm not telling you but trust me all of the yaoi fan clubs will be pretty ecstatic about this) Also there has been a fan girl demonstration scheduled for the copy nin himself, Hatake Kakashi, whom is also rumored to be featured in the new calendar. Let's just pray that it would be less chaotic than the one for the Kazekage.

**

* * *

To: Sakura, Hanabi, Ino**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Sasuke?**

Sasuke Uchiha is posing naked?!! Oooh, Tsunade is not going to be happy about this.

**

* * *

To: Ino**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: OMG**

Wait a minute…Naruto is REALLY posing with Sasuke??!!! (drools)

**

* * *

To: Sakura**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Re: OMG**

Yes. He is.

**

* * *

To: Ino**

**From: Sakura**

**Re: Re: Re: OMG**

Ino!!!

**

* * *

To: Sakura**

**From: Ino**

**Re: Re: Re: Re: OMG**

What? I promise the Sasunaru club I will have at least one photo of them together.

**

* * *

CHAT ROOM:**

_**Chipsarama opens chat room**_

Chipsarama: So, what did Tsunade say?

_**Uchihasasuke signs on**_

Uchihasasuke: She was mad about the whole park incident.

Chipsarama: So it is true!?!

_**Ramenrulz signs on**_

Ramenrulz: That kiss was an accident! It was not my fault that Sasubastard couldn't walk straight!

Uchihasasuke: Ohhh, Sasubastard…what ever happened to teme?

Ramenrulz: You are still a teme TEME!!!

Uchihasauke: And now some idiot posted on some website.

Chipsarama: Tsunade is not going to be happy once she hears about this…What were you two thinking?! Don't you both know that you already have a fan base created to get you two together?!

Ramenrulz: It's the teme's fault! He seduced me!

Uchihasasuke: Shut up Dobe. No I did not. Why would I want to make out with you?!

Ramenrulz: You weren't saying that when-

Chipsarama: Okay, okay, too much information. Just don't be surprised if something comes up…which most likely it will.

Uchihasasuke: Thanks for the warning. Now, can I please return to hiding away from my adoring fans?

Uchihasasuke signs out.

Ramenrulz: why does it always seem like that teme has a stick shoved up his ass?

Chipsarama: I don't know. Good question

_**Chipsarama and Ramenrulz sign out.**_

**

* * *

Status:**

Mr. Sand man: with Hinata, discussing the terms for the horrifying photo shoot.

Fightrgrl: I want you to want me…

Shyhyuuga: at Gaara's

I'm so sorry 10. Please forgive me? I promise to teach you a new jutsu?

Temisbestxoxo: with Shika. Don't get any ideas!

Peoplertroublesome: I hate fan girls…enough said

Pinkhairedhottie: Lee, Leave me ALONE!!

InoluvSasuke4eva: Sasuke and Naruto…2gether. YUM!

* * *

**TO: ALL**

**From: Iruka**

**Re: Shutting down**

Due to the immense popularity of this photo shoot. NIM has to be shut down for the time being. It will come back up as soon as the photo shoot is done in the next installment. Thank you all for using this program.

Goodbye.

* * *

**Not my best chapter but this is the end. I know this is a very akward place to leave off but I didnt want to do the photo shoot in instant messaging form anymore for the photo shoot. I want to do this thing in three parts. Stand by for the sequel!! **


	9. The rise and the fall of sanity

**Disclaimer: Though it would be nice to have Itachi and Sasuke and Kakashi and Naruto become my personal slaves…they do not belong to me…sighs. But one day they will, in a parallel universe that is.**

_*********************************_

_**The Rise and the Fall of the Sanity Empire **_

_**Volume One**_

_**By: Rin, chief editorial adviser of the Konoha Inquirer**_

_Once upon a time, there was a major mailman strike across the five countries and it was simply devastating. Umino Iruka of Konoha, being the charitable chuuin he was, decided to create a new instant messaging program, NIM. Now the program was a hit, with over ninety five percent of the population subscribed it, it truly redefined how people could obtain information in a matter of seconds. _

_But then Yamanaka Ino, and her ambitious plans decided to launch a new fan club, as if there were not enough fan clubs as it was. Now the club, as it should, became extremely popular, especially with the new business ordeal, THE I LOVE HOT NINJAS calendar, and she became extremely prominent in her fan girls ways. But neither she nor her staff knew that the consequences of creating the calendar would be severe and overwhelming especially concerning one of the remaining Uchihas, Sasuke._

_No one knew, what really made Sasuke go insane, but everyone including Ino, knew it somewhat had to do with the calendar deal and the sharp rise of his lovely fans harassing him. There had been reports of the younger Uchiha attempting suicide and becoming extremely, as his friend Chouji would say, emo. But have no fear; he wasn't the only one getting harassed. Gaara of the Sand Village had sent numerous threats centering on swallowing his fans with his sand and banned any fan girl exposition in his village. But seriously Gaara, do you honestly expect them to calm down because of threats? Poor, poor, Gaara, he was to new to the whole fan girl chasing that he had no idea what trouble he was putting himself into._

_So the moral of this story is this: Fan girls are crazy. Let's feel bad for those who are getting mauled by said fan girls, and pray to whom ever you pray to that this photo shoot will not lead into yet another fan girl war or worse._

_Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats. This is going to be a long, wild week._

**_*********************************_**

It was yet another day in the Village of Konoha. The ninja academy students, though reluctantly, went to their respected classes after being ruthlessly threatened by Iruka. Other nins and ABNU, trying to somewhat occupy themselves because their Hokage still did not allow any missions to commence. Sasuke was running away from his adoring fans although he hadn't had much luck. Naruto raided the ramen shop again for the fifth time. Sakura and her new founded best friend, Ino, was somewhere trying to calm down the new hype they started. Kakashi was reading his 'books' as usual… ah yes it was another day.

Except, thanks to the wonderful leaders of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club, there was going to be a little gathering somewhere in the village (of course the destination was not set because the Hokage just found out about it a few hours before) in a matter of hours.

This was probably going to be one of the largest press conferences Konoha, let alone the world, would ever seen. With over five hundred anxious reporters and even more loyal fans, boys and girls, crowded near the Konoha Village gates, this was truly going to be one of the main highlights of the year.

The Hokage of Konoha, Tsunade, glared at the new comers from her residence's window. She really should kill Hinata, Sakura and most of all Ino, for this, but alas, she knew she couldn't. Sakura was one of her best medical apprentices. Hinata was one of the sweetest and kindest nin she had ever encountered, and also of course she couldn't kill Hinata since she and the Kazekage were confirmed as a 'couple'. The last thing Tsunade wanted was hostility between the two villages. But as for Ino, he had no reason why shouldn't kill her or at least seriously injure her, but she couldn't. So what if she managed to create a new business empire centered on the exploitation of hot ninjas in a matter of months and started, no one, not two, but three fan girl wars.

She wouldn't be surprised if the Kages from the other villages had a bounty on the overly ambitious nin. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. But that wasn't the point; Tsunade had to somehow put over a thousand foreigners into one place without any chaos.

She cursed to herself as she stomped out of her office. She needed to find Shizune and she needed to now.

But then she was stopped by no other than the Icha Icha Paradise author himself, Jiraiya... Tsunade glared at him, "Fuck off."

Jiraiya smirked at his 'wife' and bowed down, "Lady Tsunade…"

"What do you want?" Tsunade asked angrily. He had a nerve coming into her premises like that. Didn't he realize how much she was pissed off at him after their little deed?

Jiraiya seemed to not notice Tsunade's glares because he pressed on, "It seems to me like you need a nice back message."

"No, what I need is to shove my foot up your ass!"  
"Oh honey, you don't have to act so violent. I was just trying to ease my leading lady."

"Leading lady my ass…" She ignored Jiraiya's pained face, "I have work to do. Now unless you find out who has that damn tape, don't come here!"

"This kinda sucks that we can't use NIM anymore…" Ino complained as her two partners in crime, Sakura and Hinata, nodded in agreement. Just months ago, Ino started the biggest fan base in the history of Konoha and perhaps the history of the five countries, the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club. It was a fine idea, at first, maybe just to get Sasuke to like Ino and do something with their lives since Tsunade forbade anyone from going on missions because of the videotape incident.

But thanks to their, well mostly Ino's, business proposal, not only the Ninja Instant Messaging had to be shut down for the time being, but they, mostly Ino, had erupted another fan girl war, again...for the third time. It would have been much, much easier if the battle of the fan girls would occur online instead of real life but apparently that was too much to ask. The whole calendar thing with hot ninjas' idea was actually good at the time, before Sasuke decided to become suicidal, their Hokage's patience with them were wearing thin, a new fan girl war and Gaara, the Kazekage, tried to swallow all of his 'adoring' fans with his sand.

Yep, they really regretted opening their big mouths…

Okay, maybe regret wasn't the word. But Ino, Sakura, and Hinata, were not ready for this responsibility. No, no, no, not all.

"But hey," Sakura said while trying to bring her two allies' spirits up, "At least we get to see hot half naked ninjas and still get paid."

Ino scoffed while Hinata nodded solemnly. Sakura frowned. This was hopeless. All three had to go in front of international television to defend and somewhat calm down the chaos they all had created. And neither of them were too please about it, not even the avenger herself, Yamanaka Ino.

She kicked a small rock that was randomly lying on the ground, "Crap! How are we going to get through this?"

Sakura and Hinata looked at her in confusion. Sakura crossed her arms and slightly growled, "You're the one who got us into this mess! Get us out!"

Ino slumped down the nearby wall, "Well, ladies, the time has come. We need to go to that press conference…"

*************************************

Ino stood in front of a thousand plus reporters and fans. She was nervous as hell since she never did something like this before. News stations from all over were here. The Hokage and her mini entourage, as well as her senseis and peers stared at her intently to begin. Sasuke and Naruto, to her disappointment, were not present.

Sakura and Hinata were sitting behind, shaking. They were nervous too, but at least they did not have to speak like Ino did.

And thus the biggest press conference ever to be televised began.

The reporters began shouting random questions. Fans began to express their devotions to any hot ninjas. The meeting place turned into pure chaos until Tsunade told everyone to shut up.

Ino silently thanked her Hokage and took a deep breath, "Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Yamanaka Ino, the president and the CEO of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club and franchise. Months ago, me and my staff,, have concocted a new idea to express our love and devotion to our lovely hot ninjas by designing a new calendar. Now this idea, was not, and I repeat, was not intended to result in various fan girls wars or anything in that nature. It was simply to show off our love for hot ninjas, that's all. I assure you that I, nor my staff, had anything to do with the mental depreciation of Uchiha Sasuke and the various threats the Kazekage had thrown at his fans. By establishing this new fan club enterprise, a large percentage of profits will be sent the party involved' villages and various official fan clubs. Thank you. Now is there any questions?

Chaos erupted again as the reporters tried to get their questions answered. Ino sighed. This was going to be a long day. She picked the reporter in the front, "Yes?"

"Now they have been rumors about Itachi and Deidara posing in this calendar. Is that true?"

Ino turned the microphone to her and cleared her throat, "Yes it is true. But I assure you that they will not harm ANY villages or shinobi."

She picked another reporter, "What are you planning on doing with the models to ensure their safety, especially since there is a rise in fan base related activities?"

Ino stared blankly at the reporter. Damn, she forgot about those dumb fan girls, "The Hokage-sama did authorize some protection for the models…" She looked directly at the irritated Hokage and laughed anxiously, "However, we all are ninjas, I am pretty sure that our models can easily fend off their quite abundant fans."

"But how sure of this are you? There have been reports that Uchiha Sasuke- san and the Kazekage- sama struggling to get out of the fan girls' grasp."

"Well." Ino replied with annoyance, "If those damn girls think they are going to attack my models, they have another thing coming!!!"

"Is there any possibility that the I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club and the Sasunaru fan club will merge?"

"Though there have been some business collaborations between the two clubs, the I LOVE HOT NINJAS and the Sasunaru will not be merging any time soon. Next question?"

"Yes, thank you. Now, I understand from you previous statement that you and your staff have more endorsements for the models on the way…"

Ino flashed a smile, "Oh yes, there has been some very interested bidders for potential endorsements. But I assure you, the models will not be harm in any way. Yes, they may be…uh…hot, but they were still part of our efforts to protect out villages. I understand that none of ours can afford to be injured in anyway…" Ino smirked to herself. She really sounded intelligent. She looked at the clock. It was time to conclude this conference. It was not intended to be long since there was another fan club meeting, the Sasunaru fan club, following after this, "Okay, thank you all for you time and patience and make sure you buy any I LOVE HOT NINJAS merchandise!"

**_*********************************_**

"Oh my kami, oh my kami, OH MY KAMI!!!" A young nin, most likely a fan girl screamed as she stared at the front page of the Konoha Inquirer in awe.

"What is your problem?" asked another girl, trying to calm her crazy friend down. She tried, in vain, to take away the piece of paper before becoming wide eyed also. She began foaming in her mouth while her friend was currently suffering from a major nosebleed.

A third girl, popped out of no where and began to read the newspaper headline before shrieking in joy, "Breaking news: Uchiha Sasuke, of the Konoha Village, has agreed to pose naked in the new I LOVE HOT NINJAS fan club with his best 'friend' Uzimaki Sasuke!"

_*********************************_

Tsunade frowned deeply as she heard the cheering fan girl crowd from her office. She knew what they were excited about: the damn photo shoot update. She really didn't authorize the new 'addition' to the calendar plan but alas, she could not say she was against in any way. And no, she wasn't some creepy pedophile that likes to see minors posing together naked, but she could not miss this opportunity. This photo shoot was going to be priceless and she couldn't wait to see the looks on Naruto and Sasuke's faces.

She turned to Shizune and smiled evilly, "Ohh Shizune…"

Shizune looked at the Hokage, "Yes, Tsunade- sama?"

"Will you do me a favor and bring those two knuckleheads, Sasuke and Naruto, to me immediately?"

Shizune tilted her head in confusion. Didn't the Hokage say…, "Tsunade- sama…I thought that they would be no missions issued until we conclude the 'tape' issue?"

Tsunade grunted. She forgot she said that, "Yes, I know. But think as this as a way to give back to the committee…" She folded her arms and gave her assistant a devilish smile. Shizune bowed and left,

She truly felt sorry for the two nins.

**_*********************************_**

"So…" Chouji mumbled as he shoved chips into his mouth. Sasuke never thought he would see the day when Chouji stopped eating altogether. It amazed him how he still didn't gain any more weight.

"So…" Chouji said again, "I heard that there is a chance that you are gay…"

Sasuke groaned. He couldn't even yell at Chouji for saying such an absurd comment. There were so many rumors about his spreading around; Sasuke didn't even bother to care anymore.

"Well the poll shows that most people think you are gay. And I overheard some shinobi talking about betting whether or not this is true. " Chouji said in matter of factly as he showed his friend the magazine page in his face, "Even Gai-sensei is planting bets…"

Sasuke groaned again. He knew he should have known to keep that dobe's mouth shut. It was just one small, itsy bitsy, mini kiss, that wasn't supposed to happen. It was an accident for kami's sake! Now everyone and their mother thought they were officially an item and the yaoi fan bases were having a field day, much to the younger Uchiha's dismay.

Sasuke glared at his second best friend, "First I have to deal with my fan base. Second I have to pose for this calendar due to blackmail. Then Shikamaru said that I might have to pose with my rival…NAKED. And now people are betting on my sexuality!!"

Chouji was laughing so hard, smushed up chips began falling out of his mouth. The sight was truly disturbing and Sasuke truly did not appreciate it, "Damn that must be fun."

"Oh yes, I am leaping around with glee." was the raven's sarcastic reply.

"Sasuke…" Shizune said somehow appearing from Chouji's and Sasuke's eyes. This must been some knew jutsu she learned…

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "Shizune- san…what-"

"The Hokage, request your presence immediately. Please follow me…"

Sasuke and Chouji knew this couldn't be good.

_*********************************_

The press conference had just ended about an hour ago. And it was a great success. Ino and her crew had just became international business moguls and Tsunade was happy that Konoha was receiving much publicity. Sakura had to leave early to attend some Sasunaru Meeting. Ever since last month, Sakura had turn from a Sasuke fan girl to a intense Sasunaru fan girl. And it was truly alarming to Hinata and Ino.

"I am going to NIM text someone…" Ino muttered to no one.

Hinata looked at Ino confused, "I thought NIM was canceled for the time being?"

Ino rolled her eyes at her partner in crime No. 2's naive attitude, "Iruka- sensei said that he would enable it just for the party involve in the photo shoot. That means us, Hinata." Hinata sighed and left. Apparently she was meeting up with someone to discuss some 'business' proposals. Ino didn't really believe but she let Hinata be; she went through a lot today. She guessed she could let Hinata off the hook for a little while. She took out her brand new spanking phone that she managed to persuade a certain nin to buy and began to vigorously NIM text.

_Preshotninjaz: Hanabi, I need you assistance right now._

_Hanabs: Isn't my sister right next to you?_

_Ino slightly growled in annoyance. How could Hanabi state the obvious at a time like this?_

_Preshotninjaz: ANYWAY, Hanabi, I need you at the meeting house ASAP. We need to talk about something…._

_Hanabs: sure whatever._

Ino was about to sign off until another message popped up:

_Temisbestxoxo: I saw that news conference…lolz_

_Preshotninjaz: who hasn't? what do you want Temari?_

_Temisbestxoxo: is that what you say to the person who persuade Gaara to pose for your calendar?_

_Preshotninjaz: Okay…sorry._

_Temisbestxoxo: anyway, Gaara said he is meeting up with Hinata somewhere. Do you happen to know where it is? Shika and I decided that we should spy on them….hehehe_

Ino stared at the message in shock. Hinata and Gaara? NO!

_Preshotninjaz: What are you talking about? Hinata is NOT meeting up with Gaara._

_Temisbestxoxo: Oh you didn't know….?_

_Preshotninjaz: NO!_

_Temisbestxoxo: My brother and Hinata are going out. Though little brother refuses to acknowledge that…_

_Preshotninjaz: WHAT! (Faints)_

Ino could not and would not let this happen. Okay, yeah, she thought Gaara was hot, but he DID try to destroy the village years ago. Hinata and Gaara were not going out despite of what Temari said. They just weren't. And to prove herself she was going to NIM text Hinata right now:

_Preshotninjaz: And how long have you two been going out for?_

_Shyhyuuga: Oh Gaara and I…uh…since the Chuuin exams…_

_Preshotninjaz: Are you kidding me, Hinata? He's a monster! _

_Shyhyuuga: He isn't that bad…and if he is a monster why is he posing in the calendar?_

_Preshotninjaz: Did you tell your father? I'm sure he isn't going to be happy about this._

_Shyhyuuga: My father doesn't care about me remember?_

_Preshotninjaz: Oh so that's why you wanted to be at the photo shoot so much…you want to see your boyfriend half naked...hehehe._

_Shyhyuuga: Shut up Ino. So what if I do?_

_Preshotninjaz: I don't know what to say._

_Shyhyuuga: Ino, I swear, if you tell anyone…_

_Preshotninjaz: Hinata I can't believe this…Gaara? Why? I mean he's a passive, psychotic freak…_

_Shyhyuuga: And Sasuke's not? Anyway, Ino, he CAN be really nice…when no one is around that is…AND he isn't a psychotic freak! He just is suffering from his past experiences. Thank you very much. Now if you don't mind, I have a DATE to go to._

_Shyhyuuga signs off._

What was this world coming to? First, the media was after her again. Then Sakura had to become a hardcore yaoi fan, and now Hinata is going out with Gaara? Ino couldn't take this much drama anymore. So she finally realized this: she might as well join the yaoi queen herself, Karen, and make Sasuke and Naruto hook up. It took her a while to accept the fact that Sasuke didn't want her but now she was more focused on her new business more then ever. If she wasn't going to get her Sasuke-kun then she was going to make him suffer: by making him fall in love with his arch rival. Ino smirked in a way that would make any Atasuki member proud, Ah yes, this would be the perfect revenge. But first she had to find that president of the Sasunaru fan club and she had a feeling where she would be…

**_*********************************_**

Karen took out her note pad and stood in front of over three hundred faithful SasuNaru Fan Club members. She was beyond amazed that she could squeezed so much people into one little meeting house but that wasn't important now. What was important was that Naruto and Sasuke would eventually get together with the help of their newly official fan club. She smiled at all of the members, "Ladies, thank you for coming to this dire meeting."

All of the members cheered and started chanting, "Sasuke and Naurto forever!"

"Thank you, thank you…" Karen raised her hands up. The chaos quieted down as she cleared her throat, "As your president, it is my duty and obligation to make sure that Uchiha Sasuke and Uzimaki Naruto will become a couple as soon as possible, no matter what is the circumstances. We as a club have to unite together to create the most soon to be celebrated yaoi couple the world has ever seen!"

A roar of cheers and chants filled the room, "We love Sasunaru!"

Karen smiled in triumph as she patiently waited for the crowds to calm down, "And that is why I called for this meeting. As you all know, one half of our fave couple is repeatedly getting harassed by his unofficial fan girls. If we manage to promote more harassment and molestation, he will have no choice but to hate girls, turn gay and run into the open arms of Uzimaki Naruto…"

"YEAH!!!"

"And no one and I mean no one is going to get in our way!!!!"

"WOOHOOO!!!!"

Karen skimmed through the entire crowd, smiling until something; or rather someone caught her eye. She smirked at the person and motioned to calm the crowd, "And to make things even better, the president of the fan club that can make this all happen. Everyone I will love to welcome, the person whom can make all of our yaoi dreams come true, the president and the CEO of the I LOVE HOT NINJAS FAN CLUB!!!"

Everyone cheered and turned to Ino, whom didn't look like she appreciated being pointed out.

********************************

"WE WANT SASUKE!!! WE WANT SASUKE!!!"

The reporter cleared her throat and attempted to change her horrified expression. She smiled at the camera again, trying to speak as loud as possibly, which wasn't an easy thing to do since all one can here was the crazy fan girl chanting from the background, "Hello, this is Zuma Sakio and I am reporting from the newly built Uchiha Sasuke Shrine located in the Land of the Snow…"

Tsunade took a sip of her sake (although she promised Shizune that she would not have until that whole calendar videotape issue was settled. But Tsunade was never a good at listening.). She placed the cup down and glared at her flat screen TV. Normally she would not accept gifts from her perverted 'boyfriend' but this TV had the best definition in the entire world. Now she could see her favorite show, Ninja Girl, without dealing with the infuriating fuzziness. But never mind about her fabulous TV, she had more pressing issues to deal with like finding out the bastard who filmed her and Jiraiya doing some rather suggestive things and the whole calendar crap. She was tempted to turn off the TV until she saw something that caught her eye. She smiled humorously though debating whether she should be laughing at this or be very, very, afraid. Tsunade smiled again when she noticed, her bodyguard, Genma, quietly coming inside the room.

"They built a shrine for him?" Tsunade asked her assistant incredulously. Genma lightly laughed, "You have to admit it's better than hearing from the child protection services complaining about attempted rape of a minor."

Tsunade snorted. She had other better things to do then deal with annoying fan girls, "You would think that someone as strong as Sasuke could deal with them and anyway the child protection services should get their nose out of my village's business."

Tsunade rolled her eyes when she heard a knock from the door. If this was another person complaining/ talking about this calendar thing, she was going to lose it. Genma quietly dismissed himself as he opened the door.

Tsunade turned around and shouted at no one, "If I hear one more thing about this damn photo shoot I am going to scream!"

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune said warily for she didn't want to be caught in her Hokage's fit of rage, "I have Naruto and Sasuke…"

Tsunade nervously laughed at her outburst and motioned Shizune to let the boys in.

Tsunade smirked as she witnessed the objects of her amusement slowly come in. Sasuke was sporting his usual scowl and Naruto looked like he just came out of an intense ramen war. His clothes were covered with his favorite food and boy did he look mad.

Before Naruto could make some sort of outburst, Tsunade ordered them to sit down in front of her and not say a word unless spoken to.

Naruto grumbled about annoying old hags under his breath…

Sasuke was still sporting his scowl. But he couldn't complain that much. He was safe from his fan girls…at least for now…

"Hello Sasuke…" Tsunade began, "And Naruto…"

She had a glint in her eye that would make any ANBU run away in fear. She pushed two mission scrolls towards the two 'rivals' and smirked, "Well, thanks to your little stunt at the park a few months ago, your yaoi fans are quite excited about your most anticipating photo shoot together." She smirked even more, "So I guess, being the wonderful Hokage I am, I should oblige to their wishes."

Sasuke and Naruto stared at her in shock and pure disbelief. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be good. Tsunade never cared about what someone wanted, especially annoying fan girls.

Tsunade folded her hands, "I understand there had been requests for both of you to pose naked. Am I right?"

Naruto and Sasuke looked at her dumbfounded.

"Am I right?" Tsunade asked more forcedly.

The boys nodded feverishly.

"Look, I don't want to deal with anymore fan girls. So it is best to give them what they want…and apparently it's you two…" She glared at both of the nins venomously, "I swear to kami, if this fan girl war erupts because of you two idiots, I will castrate you both. Do you understand?"

Sasuke and Naruto gulped.

"I'll take that as a yes," Tsunade mockingly smiled at them as she gave them their new missions' reports, "You are dismissed."

Now normally when Tsunade dismisses someone and she just happened to be in a very bad mood, they would leave as soon as possible with no questions asked. But Naruto, being the hothead he was, did the complete opposite.

"I still don't understand why we have to pose naked!"

"Because I said so! Now leave before I really get angry!!!"

Naruto and Sasuke scurried out the Hokage's office as fast as one could say ramen.

Shizune gulped, "Tsunade- sama, don't you think you are being harsh?'

Tsunade took another sip of her prized sake, "Of course not…"

**_*********************************_**

Ino decided that it was a great idea to have a meeting with the Sasunaru president and herself. She never met Karen, but from the NIM mails she received from her, she was a hardcore yaoi fan and she would stop at nothing to get what she wanted.

And that was exactly the person Ino needed to go forth with her plan…

Karen and Ino eyed each other, but Karen was the first to speak, "So, you want to hook Naruto and Sasuke up too?"

Ino nodded, still not removing her eyes from Karen. Karen smiled and laughed, "Well it's about damn time!"

Everyone looked at Karen confused. Karen giggled nervously, "Well, what I actually meant was that I thank you for going for my fan club's main cause."

Ino smirked, "So, Karen, since you _are_ the president of the Sasunaru fan club, I suppose you plan a plan to get these two idiots together."

Karen folded her arms and pulled out a very large binder. Ino raised an eyebrow. Karen smiled again, "This, my friend, is every single Naruto and Sasuke interaction on file."

Ino stared at Karen wide eyed. She could do that? Now that was a true Sasunaru fan, "But, how?"

Karen smirked as she opened the binder, "I have my connections. You don't think we have all of the five country leaders after us for nothing, do you?"

Ino smirked. She liked this Karen already. She would be the perfect person for her evil ingenious plan, "So whatcha got?" Ino watched Karen as she pulled out a picture. Karen placed it in front of Ino and leaned back in her chair, "Nauto and Sasuke were caught making out next the…"

"Ninja Academy back in April…" Ino finished causing Karen to smirk again, "Exactly."

"What are you planning to do with this?"

Karen examined the picture closely, "Well according to my experts, this was no accident."

"They were really going at it?"

"Well more like ravaging…" Karen mumbled, "I think this picture proves right here that our fave rivals have something going on that they are not telling us about. What do you think?"

"So, when does the planning begin?"

Karen smirked and lean back in the chair crossing her arms; she looked at Ino seriously, "I prefer right before the photo shoot. Just to keep them in check."

"Can I have my secretaries assist me?"

Karen laughed, "Go right ahead. We are going to need all the help we can get in order for them to get together."

Ino nodded in agreement.

**_*********************************_**

It was about two hours after Ino started searching for Sasuke, that she found him on a bench, looking like he had just lost his best friend.

But no, Sasuke wasn't mad about losing a friend, he was just forced, by the Hokage, to pose in a calendar naked.

"Sasuke Uchiha, how are you feeling this fine day?"

Sasuke groaned in distress (he seemed to be doing that lately) as he watched Ino, the object of his torture, come up to him with an annoying smile plastered on her face. Oh kami, how he wish to smash her face in…"What else can you possibly want from me?"

Ino's smile became even wider, "Well since according to your status that nothing can make you have your dignity back…I was wondering, due to large demand, if you can…"

Sasuke glared at his former fan girl, just turned tormenter, "Pose naked? That old hag already forced me to…with that dobe-" Sasuke caught himself, did he just called his Hokage, old hag? Damn, he was hanging out with Naurto too much…

Ino smirked at the sulking Uchiha. He should have known better than to cross the invincible Yamanaka Ino and now he had no choice but to suffer the consequences, "You know, and also based on your NIM status, you didn't mind posing naked…" She teased as she patted Sasuke's head. She was almost…almost scared when Sasuke raised his head featuring a nice glare and scowl designated for Ino and Ino only. Now normally Ino would cringe away at the glare, but she had to stay strong. She was the president of one of the biggest fan based enterprise in the world after all, "Just think about…girls from all over the five countries chanting your name. You can become a millionaire before you turn twenty- one. This can happen because of this one little photo shoot you are invited to attend."

"First of all," Sasuke spat, "I wasn't invited to join your worthless calendar, I was forced and also, does it look like I want any more fans?!!!"

Various chants from Sasuke's fan girls could be heard in the background…

Ino patted his head again, "Now, now Sasuke, you don't want the Tsunadenator to come out and attack us with some all powerful jutsu for being too loud, now do you?"

Sasuke slightly growled and walk away leaving a very, very satisfied Ino. She smirked at the youngest Uchiha's retreating figure, "Didn't think so…" She reach out for her phone and dialed her former rival now partner in crime, Sakura's number, "Hey Sakura. Yep, it's Ino. Operation, get Naruto and Sasuke together so we can go on with our Lives is now in motion."

_*****************************************_

**Oh wow, a whopping ten pages long. That may not seem too long so some but considering the fact I getting writer's block every seven seconds, this is truly an accomplishment. I will love so have some feedback, constructive criticism, flames, reviews, et al.**

**I will try, to update ASAP, but I am trying to figure out what I am going to do with my other stories so it may take a while. Hehehe.**


	10. The Konoha Inquirer

**The Konoha Inquirer**

**Volume: 321: 1**

**Disclaimer: The Konoha Inquirer does not personally own any ninjas it just uses them for the articles. Lawyers of said ninjas, do not sue, compensation will not be provided.**

The Truth about Sasuke

By: Rin, cheif editor of Konoha Inquirer

So, do you remember Uchiha Sasuke? Of course you do. He is only number one of the 100 Top Most Desired Bachelors and he isn't even eighteen yet! But I am pretty sure you all know about that. Now I normally do not write articles about other ninjas, especially a certain Uchiha, but I have decided that ranting about Sasuke cannot be so bad.

So here's the DL: Sasuke and Naruto are officially unofficially a couple. Yes, I said it. The most sought after yaoi couple in the history of yaoi couples have supposedly been caught confessing their unconventional love for one another. Isn't that so adorable? I am pretty sure that the fan clubs are having a field day right now. But let me remind you, the two 'rivals' have not publicly admitted that they are together. But to all you Sasunaru fans, it's looking really good.

For now there are no comments from both boys on this matter though their sensei, Hatake Kakashi, claims that they have been together for a long time and they should publicly express their feelings and all. Good point sensei, but I have a question for you: when are you and Umino Iruka going to express your love for each other? But that's another article.

P.S.: I am expected some racy photos of them both in the calendar or else I will have to release the fan girl out of me and it will not be pretty. Hahaha, just kidding. No, I'm serious.

Also, according to our amazing sources, Sasuke and his comrades that are participating in the photo shoot are rumored to be creating a business enterprise of their own. Ino and company better watch out: it seems that they are going to have some serious competition. Now I am not sure what the new enterprise is, but I am having a feeling that it has to do with the calendar. But have no fear my fellow readers, once I find out, I will deliver.

The Sasunaru fan club is scheduling a 'prep rally' in the streets of Konoha to celebrate the union of Sasuke and Naruto. Now I highly doubt that the Hokage is going to allow this, but who cares. Since when do the fan clubs listen to the Hokage? Karen, president of the club, has said that everyone is invited and depending on the crowd she may even show the video of Sasuke and Naruto making out. Now that is something I want to see.

-

Breaking News: Mail Unions are Banning Self Mailing

By: Namiko

The mail union has released a statement last week stating that the mailing of people is illegal. So ladies and gentlemen, put away your stockpiles of ceriman wrap and the life sized boxes away because you are not mail yourself to the object of you desires. I know it's sad. I am going to miss not being able to breathe and getting tossed around in a mail caravan, I really am.

Apparently the mailing practice have started about a decade ago when some loyal fans of Hatake Kakashi accidently mailed themselves to the Hokage instead of the copy nin. Fortunately, no one was injured, but unfortunately for many loved nins, this rather abnormal practice would become just as popular as joining a fan club.

It is not known why the mail union is banning self mailing, but it probably has to do with the influx of fans mailing themselves to no other but Uchiha Sasuke. Also, the I love Hot Ninjas fan Club is also blamed for the mailing practice because the self mailing rate has gone up seventy-five percent since the fan has club been established. The president of the fan club would not release a statement.

-

Here Comes the Atatsuki All Dressed in Red Flowers and…Neon Green Nail Polish

By: Sara

It's official: the Atatsuki is in Konoha. Don't panic. They are not going to burn the village down or anything. In matter of fact, they are like good little boys. The Hokage had ordered that Uchiha Itachi, the estranged brother of Sasuke, was to be limited to the temporary residential quarters just in case Sasuke decided to go into avenger mode.

But that is not the only thing that is going on. Fan clubs for both Itachi and Deidara are beginning to come into the village as we speak and for once they are not butting heads with any native shinobi. The fan club activities are at a minimum for now and so far there are no reports of riots and demonstrations. Most of the duo's fan bases are starting to set up various camps in front of the temporary residence. Numorous guaurds have been sent there just in case something occurs.

As for the Atatsuki sightings: Kisami is currently at the famous ramen stand having a rather intense conversation with the Hokage's bodyguard, Genma. Itachi and Deidara are no where to be found. Pein and Sasori are in the salon getting his nails done with lime green nail polish. Yes ladies and gentlemen, lime green and from the look of it, the salon ladies seem to be extremely pleased to be in their presence. Tobi is seen attempting, and failing miserably, to make Konohamaru and company laugh. From the looks of it, Konohamaru has Tobi's Atatsuki cloak. This is truly a hilarious sight.

P.S: To the ladies: Tobi has some nice well defined arms. If you want to see him is his near the Ninja Academy.

If anyone sees anymore Atatsuki sightings, please call the Konoha Press. No one can miss those members; they are all, with the exception of Tobi, dressed in their normal red and black attire.

**-**

**Classifieds: Notes, Announcements, Advertisements. Three dollars for every five words.**

Wanted: Someone who is mentally and physically capable of defending a jounin from the major crowds of crazed fan girls. If interested, please call the Hyuuga residence.

For sale: Three Katakanas. Extremely good shape and recently upgraded to a three year warrantee. A how to guide is included. Want to have it? Call Tenten

For Sale: Hatake Kakashi's mask. 100 percent authentic, 100 percent worth it. If interested, please call the President of the Wife of Kakashi Society.

Wanted: Someone who is eveil and cunning enough to steal and obtain a classified video from the Sasunaru Fan Club. Compensation will be rewarded. Interested? I know you are, call the Uchiha Residence Now. Tolls will be free.

Advertisements:

Due to the great news that our own Uzimaki Naruto, our prizex customer, will be posing for the calendar, the ramen stand will have a ninety percent discount for all food. Come to Ichibaku's ridaysght now!

In love with a hot ninja? Want to see him/her face to face? Want to know what their homes look like? Have no fear my fellow citizens! Call the Five Countries Self Mailing Service Now! It's cheap. It's efficient and you will be near your object of desires in a matter of one and a half business days!

Guys, want to impress a hot girl or become a fan girl magnent without doing anything too drastic? Buy a can of NAC (Ninja Attracting Cologne). It's affordable and it works. Call now to Order!

Announcements:

-The I love Hot Ninjas Fan Club and the Sasunaru Fan Club will be having a joint meeting near the Shopping District at 7 pm. Only elite members can come.

-Uchiha Sasuke has issued a restraining order against fans that have been present during the I love Sasuke demonstration.

**Yes, this is short. I know. But the next will be longer. Please review!**


	11. The Day Before

**The Konoha Inquirer**

**Volume: 321: 2- Special Edition**

**Disclaimer: The Konoha Inquirer does not personally own any ninjas it just uses them for the articles. Lawyers of said ninjas, do not sue, compensation will not be provided.**

Public Messages:

To: All

From: Umino Iruka, the creator of the NIM program

Re: Updates!

Due to the large increase of demands, the NIM program has been reestablished. All past participants and members of NIM will still be able to use their former address. Also important changes have been made:

-The mail union has been dismantled and the strike is finally over. After four long days of intense debate, the mail union and the Five Countries Communication Organization have agreed to let only large items and things that cannot be distributed them the NIM system, will only be used in the former mailing system. Registration forms will be disturbed through the Kages.

Note: Although the mail company will mail large items, those who wish to mail themselves to someone else are NOT allowed to do so.

-thanks to the assistance of the Nara Clan, users will be able to make up to two minute commercial and/or videos. Videos are free but since commercials are advertisements, a small fee will be required. However, any video posted on NIM will be opened for public view. So that means keep all sex tapes or anything else in the nature, to yourself.

-thanks to the persuasion of the environmentalists and ANBU members who have complained that cutting down trees for magazines and newspaper is not only creating less oxygen but limiting ways of strategic movements, the information companies have agreed to post most of their articles online.

To: Hanabi, Hinata, Sakura and Karen

From: Ino, the President and CEO of ILHN Club

Re: Tomorrow

Ladies, tomorrow is finally the day we have all been waiting for!!!

Please be at the photo shoot area by 7am, we cannot afford to be late. Also bring a pair of chakra proof handcuffs (ask Genma about these) just in case our favorite recently-turned-emo Uchiha gets out of hand. I will bring some ramen and dog food for Kiba and Naruto. I also suggest that we check that all of the outfits have not been vandalized or missing. There has been news floating around that the members of the ninja fan clubs have tried to make sure that their 'love' is posing naked. Although, that would be pretty nice, there is a difference between fantasy and morality and even if the female population will praise for the nudeness, I do not want to face the Tsunadenator.

I suggest we meet up at the coffee shop around six o'clock in the morning tomorrow to discuss the day's plans.

Please do not wear anything valuable, preferably wear clothes you would wear to training sessions. Remember that two of the Atasuki members are here and one half the modeling duo is the one of the reasons for Sasuke's deteriorating mental state; we have to be on guard.

Notice: Tobi is still trying to get his cloak from Konohamaru and his entourage, thus creating an established fan base outside of the shopping district. I highly advise you to check it out.

And lastly, Sakura can you check if the security around the photo shoot will be effective, the last thing we want is to let hordes of fans invade the photo shoot.

New SasuNaru Sex Tape?

By: Tara, the queen of yaoi journalism

Oh yes Sasunaru fans, the rumors are true. Some members of the SasuNaru fan club had reportedly filmed the two loving getting it on at Sasuke's mansion. The video could not be posted on NIM because of policy rules, but the spokesperson for the club vowed that her technology gurus will find a way to put the tape on cyberspace. There had been no comments from the couple but new reporters from all over are expected to be at the Uchiha mansion this morning. For anyone who want to see the potential press conference, please arrive there in the next hour.

As for the whereabouts of the tape. It is completely classified. Karen had release a statement saying that the tape had been locked up in a secret location. The private investigators of Uchiha Sasuke are now investigating the location.

Breaking News Section: Incoming breaking news from newscasters all over the world. Will be updated every five minutes by video.

Video One: Dessa, top news reporter

_I am right in front of the Hokage headquarters in the village of Konoha and as you can see behind me, a brand new fan club dedicated to the one and only Jiraiya. Unfortunately for these fans, Jiraiya will not be modeling in the calendar but there had been reports that Yamanaka Ino and company had a minor meeting with the author yesterday afternoon to discuss some possible business proposals._

_Also street vendors were reportedly selling fan clubs merchandize and one vendor was supposedly selling the worn socks of Chouji for over one hundred thousand dollars. Of course Chouji was demanding the return of his socks but he said that he would calm down after the vendor claimed to have stuck a business deal with the model/ninja. Believe it or not, there were many Chouji fan girls at this vendor including the elder women willing to pay a lot of money for the article of clothing. Who knew that dirty socks could be worth so much?_

_Another item that was being auctioned off was Kakashi's mask. How was this piece of material obtained? It was not known. But there was some speculation that the copy-nin's lover, Umino Iruka, had something to do with it. When asked, the sensei claimed that part of the proceeds would go to the school's development. However, mask lovers, have no fear. Kakashi had got himself another mask._

_Apparently there was a new KakaIru fan club forming just for the newly formed couple, Kakashi and Iruka. The two ninjas had confirmed their relationship by complete accident just this past week. There had been no comments from the couple yet but so far the membership had skyrocketed to over one thousand in only three days. It seemed like people in the five countries were beginning to love yaoi couples._

Video One: Jiraiya's new best friend

_Not much to say, but there has been an increase in protests against the new legislation that bans the mailing of fans to their desired people. The Kages from all over are actually using some of their ANBU teams to quell the protests but it is no use._ _Also, The mission stalemate is finally over. The secret tape that has been stolen for months has finally returned. The thief's identity can not be released but she/he/it is currently at the Hokage headquarters awaiting the arrival of the Hokage committee. No statement has been given by the party involved, but Jiraiya has been seen jumping up and down with pure joy in front of his house. There has been no Hokage sightings yet._

_-_

**Classifieds: Notes, Announcements, Advertisements. Three dollars for every five words.**

-The Ninja Model Union will have a meeting at the Uchiha mansion following the photo shoot. **Only** the members of the union are invited. If you want to join this union please NIMmail Uchihasasuke as soon as possible.

-Fan club meeting: only the key members of the Sasunaru and the ILHN fan clubs are invited. The meeting will take place in the Haruno home. Food and drinks will be provided. This will be a long meeting and the calendar plans as will as any other business ventures will be discussed. Please come on time. The meeting will immediately follow after the photo shoot. Also if you happened to record or take any pictures from the shoot, bring them along.

-Anyone who knows the whereabouts of a secret Sasuke and Naruto tape, please contact Uchiha Sasuke immediately. Reward will be provided.

-New Ichi Ichi Paradise Book on Sale! The first one hundred copies are for half price. Hatake Kakashi and other prominent numbers of the Ichi Ichi Paradise Book Club will get it for free. Come to the Konoha Video and Book shop now!

-Wanted: someone who is cunning enough to sneak past all of the security and take candid shots of the models during the ILHN photo shoot. Reward will be plentiful. If interested please contact by NIMmail the Fan Girl Enterprise.

-For sale: Neji's hair brush. Pure quality. 100 percent real. You get to have the very brush that Neji-chan uses for his amazing hair. Do you want it? Of course you do and it can be yours for a measly price of 19.95. But wait, if you call by 7 am tomorrow, not only will you get the mask, but you will get not one, not two, but three kunai's previously owned by your favorite long haired, plaed eyed ninja. Please contact through NIMmail, anonomyous123 for further details.

-Wanted: a private investigator to find the person who is responsible for the disappearance of numerous items belonging to the models/ninjas of the ILHN. Think you can so this without getting killed? Then contact the Private Investigation firm through NIMmail.

-For sale: a new hot tape including none other than Sasuke and Naruto. It's raw. It's hot and will even make the manliest of men question their sexuality. If you have intentions on seeing how hot two guys can really be, then contact Karen, the president of the Sasunaru Fan Club and the CEO of Yaoi United through NIMmail.

-I know those damn legal people have said that self mailing is illegal, but I don't care and nor should you! If you feel this way then come out and support this cause! We WILL make self mailing legal again!

-Do you want all of the ladies? Do you want to have your own exclusive fan base? Do you love seeing tons of people fighting over you? Then come to the Five Country Salon and you will become hot. In a matter of two hours you will transform from an average Joe to a fan girl magnet. Males and females can be made over. The service is flawless and the experience will leave you breathless.

-Wanted: a group of powerful ninjas who would not mind taking risks. This group had to be able to take down any fan girl demonstration. Jounin and former/current ANBU members are preferred Need to be experienced. This is an elite mission and the goal is to keep the ILHN models from any harm that can be caused by the fan girls. If interested, contact the Hokage.

**Not my best, but I am leading up the next chapter where the calendar shoot begins. I want to update by next week, but with work, work and even more work, I can't make any promises. Please review!**


	12. The End of the Beginning Part 1

**The End of the Beginning: The Photo Shoot Part One**

Today was going to officially be the most insane day in the fifth Hokage's life and those damn guards werent making her day get better. Tsunade was certainly not a happy woman. Not only did she have to make sure that the fan girls did not go haywire, and not only did she have to make sure that the Atatsuki did not try to burn down her village, but now she had to find some way to get security guards for the photo shoot.

Tsunade promised herself to kill the person who suggested that the she should be in charge of this. Yes, as the Hokage, Tsunade was obliged to protect her villagers including her best ninjas, but that did not mean Tsunade was willing to call the Fire Country National Guard.

She hated them as much as the damn person who had the videotapes.

Tsunade and Shizune arrived at the guard headquarters around five in the morning. But so far they could not meet with the head general until the secretary came out to get some information. And just in case the Hokage and her trusted assistant decided to act up, there were about ten guards outside of the office, watching the duo's every mood.

The Hokage turned to her assistant Shizune who was too busy checking some of the guards out. Sometimes Tsunade wondered if her right hand lady was more perverted than Jiraiya.

Speaking of Jiraiya…that bastard promised that he would send his unofficial mini army to the photo shoot and he still did not do it. Oh well, she get him later.

"Shizune, how long is this going to take?! I have a village to run you know!"

Shizune shrugged, "I'm sorry, Lady Tsunade. I don't know. Apparently a lot of Hokages in the Fire Country is requesting the National Guard in their villages…due to the fan girl chaos."

As usual the fifth Hokage did not accept this as an answer, "Then why couldn't they use the damn ANBU!

"It's the same reason why you are not using the ANBU…"

Tsunade rolled her eyes and said nothing. She hated when Shizune outsmarted her. She was the Hokage; she was smartest person in Konoha…besides the Nara Clan. But that did not count; the clan was smarter than everyone.

After impatiently waiting in the Fire Country National Guard for two hours, the head general's secretary finally came out.

"About time." Tsunade muttered as she greeted the secretary. The sectary did not say anything back but eyed the Hokage and her assistant warily, "Oh great…more fan girls..."

The guards laughed but instantly stopped when Tsunade gave them her signature death glare. The Hokage cleared her throat and stared down at the rather small secretary, "Do I look like a fucking fan girl to you?!"

The secretary gulped in fear, "No mam."

"I thought so…"

"Well, who are you?"

"I AM THE HOKAGE, THAT'S WHAT I AM!!!!"

"You're Konoha's Hokage?"

"Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with that?!"

"No, mam."

"Good, now let me see your general before I send the ANBU after you."

The secretary gulped as he led Shizune and Tsunade to the general's office. He quickly left in fear.

The general was a large man who tended to look intimidating. But he did not scare Tsunade, she was an intimidating person herself. The general looked up and her and motioned her to sit down, "What is it that you need?

"General," the Hokage began, "My name is Tsunade and I am the Hokage of the Village of Konoha. Since there is a huge photo shoot near my village, there has been an influx of fan girls coming and I fear that my village is going to be destroyed."

The general folded his heads under his chin, "Does this mean that you need some reinforcements?"

"Exactly…but I need more than that. I need people who are willing to risk their lives to make sure that my ninjas are safe. I don't know about your back ground when it came to fan girls, but there is something wrong with them. They even have some of the powerful villainous ninja groups running away in fear. Those fans are ambitious and they would do anything to get into the photo shoot. I, as the Hokage, can not afford that."

The general nodded in agreement, "I must agree with you Hokage, those fans could be quite a handful. Will you be using your ANBU?"

"Yes, I already got them covered, but right before I left, there were about five hundred fans and fan clubs near the Konoha gates and that was five o'clock in the morning. My ABNU are good, but I don't think they could fight hundreds of people off at the same time."

"I understand your concerns. I'll see what I can do. But I am sure that I can send about a hundred of my troops to Konoha,"

Tsunade smiled, "That will be perfectly fine."

* * *

Ino Yamanaka was on a mission today and anyone who got in her way would suffer dire consequences. Today was finally the day that everyone had been waiting for (or dreading fro in the case of male models excluding Kiba). All the riots, drama and chaos that had occurred for the past several months would lead to today. Today was finally the day; the day of one of the most anticipated photo shoot in the world: the ILHN Calendar photo shoot.

The journey to this day had been difficult especially with all of the fan girl wars and other drama, but the president of the ILHN fan club and business enterprise believed that it would all be worth it. She vowed that today would be perfect. Absolutely, perfect. Not to mention she did not mind seeing some of those hot ninjas bodies…

Ino cleared her throat and severely blushed. What was she thinking? She was a professional, and an entrepreneur, and she definitely did not gawk at attractive ninjas. She was not a pervert. That would be unacceptable. What would the Hokage council say if they find out that another reason why Ino wanted the photo shoot was to see all of those half naked bodies?

Then again, she could always blame it on the teenage hormones. They could be the death of a person.

The location of the photo shoot was not luxurious. It was near the border of the corner of Konoha and it resembled more of a tropical forest. But of course, the best part of the location was the huge waterfalls. The large trees and canopies could disable the fan clubs from trying to sneak in the photo shoot. If they dare went in the trees, someone would notice. The photography crew already started their work and the photographer was also there.

But that wasn't the point, the place, although simple, was one of the most beautiful places Ino, Karen, Hinata, Hanabi, and Sasuke had ever seen. Ino could just imagine how Sasuke would look underneath those waterfalls wearing nothing but his…

"Ino, snap out of it!" Sakura yelled in Ino's ear, immediately causing Ino to get out of her Sasuke musings. The president looked at her secretary and frowned, "And Haruno, what the hell was that for?!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Ino, the photo shoot starts in an hour and they are no ninjas!"

Ino widened her eyes. That was not good. Where the hell could those poor excuses of ninjas be? She specifically told ALL of them to been here by 7:00 am. Oh she was going to kill them, "Fine, I'll get the guys. The rest of you help the crew set this photo shoot up. By the time I get back, I want everyone perfect."

* * *

He didn't mean for this to happen. He was Uchiha Sasuke damnit and as one of the last Uchihas standing, he would be obliged to never let anything go out of proportion. Most guessed that his clan forgot to mention that declaring one's undivided love for a certain blond kistune in the middle of a busy market square would certainly lead to things blowing out of proportion.

Poor soul.

He was an Uchiha for gods' sake, and Uchihas do not moan and groan about a new yaoi fan club that dedicated their entire lives to just ruin his. And he certainly did not complain about the hordes of perverted fan girls that wanted him and Naruto make out in the middle of a busy place.

It was all Naruto's fault. It was always Naruto's fault. If the blonde hadn't force him to get some ramen, then he wouldn't be in this situation.

Now normally Sasuke was not a fan of public display of affection but Naruto had to look so damn cute especially when the blonde was pouting. What Naruto was pouting about? Sasuke did not know and at this time, it did not matter. The raven could not help but want to kiss the kitsune. However his kiss had to be put on hold thanks to the screams and shouts of his loyal fan girls.

Sasuke cursed to himself. Oh how he hated those damn fans.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S SASUNARU!!!"

The shrill of fan girls could be heard from all over. Sasuke and Naruto winced in pain as their poor eardrums suffered from the massive high sound. The reason for the shrill was clearly evident. Today was the day that all five countries have been waiting for. Today was the day for the ILHN Calendar Photo Shoot and boy was the fan girls having a field day. There had been calls to all kages from off over about massive fan girls' demonstrations and even though these village leaders tried to quell down these demonstrations there were all in vain. The fan bases were strong and they were not about to give up. Much to Sasuke and Naruto's displeasure…

Naruto, who seemed to be the only one who did not mind the fan girls, smiled, "Hey, what do you know…they love us!"

"SASUNARU!! SASUNARU!!!"

Now usually when a person who had a fan base like Naruto heard their fans chanting they would quickly find a way to hide from them. But not Naruto, "Hey, why is your name before mine?!"

Sasuke did not answer Naruto but instead smirked in his sadistic way and dragged his lover through the crowd.

"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!!"

Sasuke and Naruto groaned as they attempted to get away from the yaoi fans, but it was no avail. If Sasuke was not an Uchiha and was not expected to be the emotionless person he was, he would have a panic attack right now. As soon as Naruto thought about bolting in the other direction, the fans began to close in on the couple.

Sasuke stopped and sighed in anguish, "We might as well do this…"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" one of the insane fan girls screamed on the top of her lungs, "SASUNARU IS ABOUT TO KISS!!!!"

The fan girls began to quiet down for this was the moment that all of them had been waiting for.

Naruto shrugged coolly as Sasuke began to lean into him. The fan girls were holding their breaths whiles some began to take out there cameras…

Sasuke leaned into Naruto more and more until…

"Uzimaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke, come over here right NOW!"

The fan girls groaned and expressed some rather colorful words as their prized Sasunaru separated from each other. The two lovers slowly turned around and paled when the saw the fuming Ino. Well at least Naruto paled because Sasuke being the passive guy he was, never showed fear.

Naruto gulped and whispered into Sasuke's ear, "Do you think she's mad at us?"

"What do you think dobe?"

Naruto glared at the raven, "You're right…"

The fan girls were not about to give up on seeing their favorite yaoi couple lock lips. The leader of the demonstration vowed to all of her fellow followers that one day Naruto and Sasuke would show there love in front of everyone even if it killed her. She was not going down with a fight, "Ladies, we will get our kiss…RIGHT!!!"

The fan girls threw their fists in the air and chanted, "RIGHT!!!!"

Sasuke frowned at the girls and the fuming Ino. That would be the last time the raven would ever try to kiss Naruto in public. The last time.

* * *

Meanwhile in the other side of the village, Kiba, Neji and Chouji were sitting by the local dog food shop, complaining about how early it was. They did not know where the photo shoot would be held because Ino failed to tell them. Not that Neji and Chouji minded, the two ninjas wished that they could find an effective way to get out of this horror.  
However, Kiba was more than ecstatic than his two friends. He did not mind the fan girls as much.

"Oh yeah baby. Today's the day that everyone gets to see what Kiba is made of." The dog lover said as he tried to strike sexy poses.

Neji rolled his eyes in disgust, "I don't know if I should gag or kill you. Oh I know…I should do both."

Kiba shook his head at his friend. Neji could be such a party pooper sometimes, "Oh come on, Neji, where is your calendar spirit?!"

Neji crossed his arms, "I don't know what you're talking about. I rather not prance around half naked…just incase those evil fan girls come out."

"Yeah, who knows what they will do." Chouji added before chomping on his prized potato chips. He had promised his on and off again girlfriend, Ino, that he would not eat fattening food before the photo shoot but he was still sour about his socks, "I want my socks back!"

Neji put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulders, "Chouji, just let them go. It's not even worth it."

However Kiba was not going to give Chouji any pity. He could not be the only person who was excited, "Oh come on you guys, am I the only one who is excited about this photo shoot? Just think about all the ladies we are going to get after this!"

"I have girlfriend, Kiba, if you haven't noticed." Chouji mumbled.

Kiba snorted.

Then all of a sudden Chouji's phone rang. The group of friends stared at each other in horror for they already knew who the calling person was. The gulped as Chouji hesistantly picked up his \phone. He prayed that he would live to see the end of the day, "Hello, Ino…"

Kiba and Neji could not exactly hear what Ino was screaming about but they knew from Chouji's blanched face that it could not be good. Chouji hung up the phone and sighed, "Ino is mad."

"Define mad."

Chouji frowned and got up, "I think it's best to find where this photo shoot is at; I don't want to die to day."

* * *

Ino did not have to follow Sasuke and Naruto to the location because she was pretty sure that she had scared them enough with her threats. And she did not have to make sure that Neji, Chouji and Kiba got there, because she threatened them too. But now she had to cover her biggest and most challenging task yet: find the copy-nin and forced him in anyway possible to go to the photo shoot.

"Now if I was a perverted-Ichi Ich Paradise reading silver haired jounin, where would I be?"

Ino could only think of one place Kakashi would be besides his home. She knew he was not on a mission because missions were not going to be distributed until the calendar issue was over. She knew that Kakashi was not at his house because well…he was never there.

Then a light bulb turned on in Ino's brain. She could ask Gai! He would know where the copy-nin was.

Then all of a sudden, Gai appeared out of nowhere, striking infamous pose, "Ino, how are you doing?!! Isn't it a good day for some youthfulness?!!"

She tried her best not to throw up after seeing Gai in his green spandex and his horrid bushy eyebrows, "Hello, Gai. How are you?"  
"Oh my dear Ino!!! I am doing great. I just finished running three hundred and fifty- laps around Konoha and I am now going to do, one million push-ups. Will you have the honor to join me?! It will give you great youthfulness!"

If she heard youthfulness one more time….

Ino laughed nervously, "That's quite okay."

"Are you sure you don't want to fulfill your internal youthfulness?!"

"I am more than sure, Gai. Hey I was wondering, where is Kakashi right now?"

Gai sat on the ground wearing his pondering face. He thought long and hard until he excitingly jumped up, alarming Ino, "Oh yes, my good ol' eternal rival! I believe he is at Iruka-senei's house. I saw him there last night!"

Ino smiled brightly then frowned. Why couldn't Kakashi be anywhere but Iruka's house. "Thank you so much Gai."

Ino rolled her eyes as the green spandex clad jounin disappeared. She looked around where she was standing and deeply sighed. She guessed that she had no choice but to go to Iruka-sensei's house. She trudged along the streets, ignoring the Sasunaru demonstration that still had not been quelled.

It wasn't like Ino did not want to see her former sensei but she was well aware how Iruka could be in the morning especially during his vacation. He might have seemed nice and a push over, but when he got frustrated…well let's just say it wasn't pretty.

Umino Iruka was one of the most beloved people in Konoha, not only because he was one of the best school teachers but he was also a very generous man. He was always there to help people out. He even tried to convince Tsunade to pay back all of her gambling debts and stop drinking sakes. Reputations and rumors had never gotten in Iruka's way and the best example was that the teacher raised the bearer of the nine tail fox as if he was his own. However, he was known to have a dangerous temper. A temper dangerous enough to make the ANBU run away to their mothers. A temper dangerous enough to contend with the reigning queen of all tempers, Tsunade. And his rage would go on an all time high if his sleep or vacation was disturbed.

Hence the reason why as soon as the president of the ILHN fan club knocked on Iruka's door, she instantly braced herself for the onslaught that might occur as soon as Iurka opened the door. She shut her eyes and prayed that she would arrive at the photo shoot in one piece. But to Ino's surprise, as soon as the door opened, nothing happened.

Ino slowly opened her eyes one by one and instantly blushed at the sight before her.

There was Iruka, standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a towel. His chocolate hair was out of his normal pony tail and he looked more tired than usual.

"Hello, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka stretched and yawned while he made sure his towel did not fall off his hips. He looked down at his blushing former student and laughed nervously, "Yamanaka Ino, how are you doing?"

Ino blushed even more, "Iruka-sensei, do you mind telling me where Kakashi is?"

A groan from inside could be heard followed by a huge thump.

Iruka shrugged, "No, I have no idea…"

Ino frowned as she looked into the school teacher's house. She could not see anyone at first but then a few moments later, she gasped as she saw a tall, grayed hair man that was only clad in boxers walking across the living room. Without his mask.

Ino blushed again, "Then why Is Kakashi in your house?"

Iruka laughed nervously, "Oh right…yes…I guess…Kakashi, Ino wants to see you!"

Unfortunately for the school teacher, he was too naïve to know that no shinobi should stand in his front door with only a towel covering himself especially since there were hundreds of fan girls standing around. But of course, Iruka might have forgotten that he and his lover had a new fan club. Poor soul.

"OH MY GOOD, IT'S IRUKA!!! IRUKA WE LOVE YOU!!!!"

Iruka eyes widened in horror as he witnessed scores of girls running towards his house, shouting how much they loved him and Kakakshi. The school teacher groaned in annoyance as the fan club began to form around his house.

"Ino, shut the door!"

Ino did what she was told and stared at the school teacher in shock, "Oh, I see you have a fan club too?"

Iruka shook his head, "I told Kakashi not to tell anyone about us…since I did not want to deal with what Naraku and Sasuke have to go through. I didn't think people would form a fan club. Man and I thought my kids were bad…those girls are insane."

"I'm sorry about this but where is Kakashi?"

Iruka and Ino did not hear anything but then out of nowhere the copy-nin attached himself to Iruka. Iruka blushed as Kakashi began nibbling his left ear, then a few seconds later the lovers started making out.

Ino nearly gagged at the sight. She had nothing against gay people. She really didn't. Actually, Ino thought that the whole Sasuke and Naruto relationship thing was pretty hot, but that did not mean that seeing a half naked Kakashi and Iruka making out was appetizing. If they weren't senseis, then she would not mind that much…but Iruka-sensei was her academy teacher for god's sake. And Kakashi was a pervert!

But then she realized something: why did she make Iruka pose for the calendar. She knew that he was initially supposed to but Tsunade said it would not be appropriate since he _was_ the Academy teacher but still...Ino had to admit as she examined Iurka more, the school teacher had a nice body.

Not that she was going to say that in front of the two men. That would be beyond awkward and she could tell that the copy-nin was very possessive.

Didn't they realize that she was standing right in front them?

"OH MY GOD!!! KAKASHI IS MAKING OUT WITH IRUKA!!"

Iruka looked out the window in horror as he saw two fan girls, with their cameras, outside of his window. He knew he should have invested in some blinds. Why couldn't he do anything without worrying about fan girls?

Iruka opened the window and shouted, "Leave me the hell alone!'

The girls quickly scurried away.

Iruka blushed, "I'm sorry, Ino."

"That's okay."

Now one with think that after the whole fan girl in the window incident that the copy-nin would stop fondling Iruka, but of course he did not.

"Kakashi get off of me right this instant!" Iruka pleaded/ yelled as he attempted to peel the copy-nin off of his body.

Kakashi groaned in sadness as he let his boyfriend go. He looked down at Ino and quickly put his mask on. He tried his best to sound as polite as ever, but he was an extremely upset jounin, "Yamanaka Ino…what brings you here?"

"I hope you have not forgotten about that photo shoot today…" Ino said while smiling innocently. She refused to let the copy-nin's angry aura get to her. Okay, maybe she had to be on guard since Kakashi was stronger than her. She did not know why he was so mad at her. All she wanted to do was fetch me. She guessed that it probably was because she interrupted his little make out session with the teacher.

Kakashi pondered for a bit, "I'm not going." He simply said as he slowly walked more inside the house.

Ino glared at the copy-nin but did not say anything. She did not have to because Iruka was going to do it for her.

Iruka wasn't having any of Kakashi's stubborness. If he was going to be deprived from his prized sleep and shower because of this damn photo shoot then Kakashi had no choice but to suffer along with him.

Iruka crossed his arms, "Kakashi, you are going to that photo shoot."

"No."

Iruka lowly growled under his breath and Ino backed away from the teacher obviously frightened by Iruka's dark glare. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here after all? She could always reschedule an appointement with Kakashi.

Iruka groaned, grabbed Kakashi's arm and dragged copy-nin back to him. All Kakashi could do was smile.

"Hatake Kakashi, if you don't go to the photo shoot right now…then we won't have sex for a month!"

That was something that Ino really did not need to hear.

Kakashi stared at his lover wide eyed, "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Kakashi glared at Iruka and quickly got dressed, "You won."

Five minutes later the copy-nin was ready to leave.

"Have fun…" Iruka said sweetly before slamming the door in front of Kakashi's face. The copy-nin glared at the president one last time before pushing his way through the crowd of fans. Kakashi was not a happy man.

**Oh my god, this had got to be one of the hardest chapters I had ever written. I didn't know how hard it was to write some slash…and there really wasn't much of it. As always send me your comments! The next chapter is almost done but I just have to fill in some gaps! And don't worry, I wont update on the end of the year. I'll do it soon.**

.


	13. The End of the Beginning Part 2

**The End of the Beginning: The Photo Shoot Part Two**

By the time the photographer, Katsumi, arrived to the photo shoot, everything was already set up. All of the equipment was put together. All of the outfits were here on time. All of the crew was ready to be ordered and most importantly, all of the models were here…At least she thought they were. She counted how many ninjas present and titled her head in confusion. She thought she was losing it, but it seemed that two ninjas were missing.

No matter. Katsumi was well aware of Ino's ambitious and vicious attitude. She was sure that all of the ninjas would be here some time soon. She put her belongings down and looked around the surroundings. It was truly a beautiful sight; the photographer already began picking spots where the ninjas would be posing.

"Katsumi, thank the gods that you are here!" The president of the ILHN fan club and enterprise shouted as she ran towards the frightened photographer. Katsumi knew Ino was crazy but this was too much. Why was the president running towards her as if she wanted to jump her? She had no idea, but she put on her best face, "Yamanaka Ino, it is a pleasure to finally meet the person who began the calendar."

"Thank you," Ino gave Katsumi a folder, "Here are all of the ninjas and who they are posing with. Kakashi is posing first for his special edition calendar. Although it would be nice for him to have his mask off; just leave it be. He is already pissed off at me. Also there will be a yaoi photo shoot for Naruto and Sasuke…by popular demand."  
Katsumi nodded, "Sound easy enough. Are the models ready?"

Ino groaned as she stomped back to where the ninjas were sitting, "Everyone get ready!!!"

Katsumi shrugged and went back in a tent designed for her own use. Soon after word, Katsumi came out of her tent and smiled at everyone. She was generally not in such a happy mood but today she was going to be one happy woman, especially nice she got to have the chance to take pictures of hot guys. She sighed to herself; she needed to stop fantasying about males who were still teenagers. It was not healthy, "Hello, my name is Katsumi and I will be your photographer today. Do not worry; I am not affiliated with any of your fan clubs…"

A sigh of relief could be heard from the ninjas.

"Uh…"she started as she looked through her papers, "Well before I get started I need you guys to change into your outfits. And the first model should be ready in fifteen minutes."

The models/ ninjas began complaining about how they did not want to be here and how they could not stand the president. Ino turned to the irritated ninjas, "Okay guys, I want this photo shoot to run as smoothly as possible and in order to do that, I need your undivided attention and cooperation. Understand?"

The ninjas newly turned models groaned as they complained for the umpteenth time about how much they did not want to be here. However, they did not say it very loud since they did not want to face the wrath of Yamanaka Ino, including the king of loudness himself, Naurto. But that did not mean everyone was in a hush-hush; Hyuuga Neji was beginning to get highly upset, "Ino, I hate you!"

Ino rolled her eyes, "I highly advise you to shut up, Hyuuga. Or else not only will I make pose naked but I will NIMemail all of your nude photos to your fan clubs."

Neji narrowed his eyes, "You wouldn't…"

"Are you questioning my manipulating abilities?"

"Is that even legal?" Chouji asked in curiosity. Knowing his crazy girlfriend, it probably wasn't.

Ino frowned at Chouji, "Chouji!!! Shut up!!!" the president of the ILHN fan club and enterprise was beginning to get annoyed. She had a schedule to make, "Alright, we are on a rigid schedule. I wouldn't have to be this rushy if you all had listened to me and came here ON TIME!!!" Ino looked around confused then paled, "Wait a second, where is Itachi and Deidara?"

Everyone looked around and said they did not know. Ino clenched her fists and began to fume, "How dare they?!!!"

"Well they _are_ a part of the Atasuki…"

Ino glared at her boyfriend. She did not need any of his comments right now. If Deidara and Itachi did not come, then her photo shoot would be ruined. Then all of the Atasuki fan girls would come after her. Ino could not afford to have some of her models to come late.

Karen and Sakura tried to calm Ino down as Hinata and Hanabi tried to look for the two Atatsuki memebers. After fifteen minutes for intense looking, Hinata finally sighted the two Atasuki members, "Look Ino, I see them!!"

As members of the notorious Atatsuki, it was only normal that Itachi and Deidara could not arrive anywhere without a grand entrance.

And a grand entrance it was.

While everyone was frantically tried to seek out the two models and not paying attention to Hinata, Itachi and Deidara poofed out of nowhere and somehow managed to land on top of three crew members. Thankfully no one died; only one lost his eye thanks to Itachi's kunai which conveniently pierced through his eye during the fall, but either than that, everything and everyone was fine. Only a few equipments were damaged but it was quickly replaced.

Everyone turned to the two Atatsuki members and silenced. Not a pin drop was head as the two groups of people stared each other down as if this was an intense staring constant. So far everyone lost except the Uchiha brothers and boy was Sasuke mad. He lowly growled as he continued to eye his brother. He wanted to activate his sharingan and immediately attack his older brother but decided against it. Ino would be mad which meant Tsunade would be mad. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with an angry Tsunade. He sighed; he guessed he just had to wait until later.

Itachi just laughed, "Oh little brother…"

"I. ." Sasuke seethed as he began to activate his sharingan.

Itachi just laughed. The models/ ninjas and the crew began to get nervous. Naruto cheered his boyfriend on. The photographer could not move and Ino was about five seconds from raising hell. There could not be any fighting in her photo shoot. None at all. She did not care at the moment how much Sasuke hated his brother. He could wait and do his avenging later on.

Sasuke went into his fighting stance as Itachi just laughed away calling his brother weak. Ino smirked evilly as she witnessed the youngest Uchiha trying to charge towards his brother, "Sakura bring in the chakra-proof handcuffs! We have an Uchiha to bound!"

"Yes mam!" Sakura gave Ino a salute before running back to the tent. She soon came back with the cuffs and some how found a way to put it on the younger Uchiha. Sasuke growled and cursed as he tried to get out of them. Ino and Sakura smiled in triumph.

"Alright…" Ino looked around, "You! There with the bandana! Make sure that Sasuke and Itachi do not go near each other!"

The hidden Atatsuki fan girls squealed in delight.

"Alright…" Ino began as she personally dragged a huge box in front of the ninjas. She opened the box and gave the boys and men an evil smile, "It's time to get dressed!"

The ninjas groaned in distress as they dug into the box.

The clothing of choice was most men's (not including Gai and Rock Lee) worst nightmare.

It was small.

It was tight.

It was spandex.

"Oh you have got to be-!"

But this was not the typical spandex that Gai and Rock Lee were infamous for wearing. Oh no, it was much worse, it was Speedos.

"Couldn't we just wear shorts?!" Naruto shouted as he tossed the offending mini spandex away. All of the other models, excluding Kiba and Deidara, agreed. Kiba thought the spandex was cool and he was sure it would get him a load of fan girls. Deidara thought the spandex was the gods' gift to man…maybe at least there was another spandex lover besides Gai and Lee.

Ino pulled out her megaphone, "I don't care if you don't want to wear it! You have no say! Your fan girls really voted for all of you to pose naked, but I, being the NICE person I was, said that it would be illegal…and this is HOW you pay me!!!"

"I have to pose naked anyway!"

"SHUT UP NARUTO!"

Shikamaru kept complaining about troublesomeness. Itachi did not care. Kiba and Deidara high-fived each other though they were supposed to be enemies. Chouji and Neji were horrified. Chouji was silently crying. Kakashi and Sasuke just looked at it and claimed that it did not matter to them. Of course they were lying; they were petrified beyond belief but since they were high class ninjas…no one could know that.

Ino, Hinata, Hanabi and Karen were on cloud nine and so were the secret fan clubs that were looming around the site. Katsumi just smirked to herself as she got her camera ready. She was not a pervert but she would love to see how Kakashi looked in those Speedos.

Chouji picked up and stared at the piece of clothing, or lack thereof, in horror, "I'm wearing this?!"

Shikamaru held up the material and frowned deeply, "This is so troublesome…"

The lack of cooperation with the ninjas was getting on Ino's last nerve. Ino got on top of the table and shouted, "Are you ninjas or are you cowards?!"

"Ninjas…"

"Thought so. Now hurry up and get dress. The special editions calendar models will be first." Ino pointed at the copy-nin, "That means you, Kakashi-sensei!"

The copy-nin glared at her before trudging towards the changing tent. He could have just beat Ino up but decided against. Iruka would surely be mad at him for that and a mad Iruka was just as bad as a mad Tsunade.  
If it was another time, the photographer would have been horrified by the sight before her but Katsumi could not help but laughed as she witnessed the supposedly powerful ninjas including Kakashi get forced to take off their clothes. She did not see why the ninjas where upset since she was too busy on the phone with her boss but from the looks she was getting it wasn't pretty.

"This is going to be very interesting…" Katsumi mumbled to Karen. The president of one of the biggest yaoi fan clubs nodded in agreement. It was going to be interesting indeed.

"I agree."

To say that the ninjas were angry would have been understatement. Not only were they forced to pose for a calendar that would without a doubt, create some crazed fan girls but now they had to do it in Speedos.

The ninjas refused to listen to what Ino was saying so Ino just had to find a way to force them. She was tired of their complaining and bitching. She had a calendar to create. Ino grasped the clip board so hard that her knuckles began to turn white. She took out her megaphone, "Look I don't care if you feel uncomfortable doing this. This is the Hokage's orders and her orders are law. So unless you want the Tsunadenator to come after you and unleash her fury along with your fan clubs, I highly suggest you shut up and strip!" Ino smirked at the terrified crowd, "Oh yeah and don't forget, Naruto and Sasuke you guys are posing naked."

Katsumi eyes nearly popped out of her eye sockets. No one told her that she was taking nude photos of underage boys. Oh no, she could get into a lot of trouble for this. She had a career and it wasn't going to go down the drain…not for this. The photographer cleared her throat, "Um…I can't do that."

"You tell her!"  
Ino growled, "Shut the hell up Naruto and take you clothes off!" she turned her attention to the worried photographer, "Katsumi, sure you can. The Hokage said it was okay."

"Do you have proof?"

Ino rolled her eyes and took out a piece of paper. She handed it to Katsumi, "Here. Now don't worry, what happens here stays here. Why else do you think the Hokage is sending extra guards here? The Sasuke and Naruto fans girls are going to have a field day if the see them naked."

And thus the assault of the century began starting with a poor, paled eyed nin by the name of Hyuuga Neji,

Ino had to tend to some finishing touches so she sent one of her loyal henchmen, Sakura, out to do the very tedious and potentially dangerous job of forcing a very stubborn Neji into the dressing tent. The job was not easy but a few minutes and some death threats later, she managed to drag Neji halfway to the tent until he started becoming difficult. Neji was getting extremely annoyed.

Ino and Karen laughed menacingly as they witnessed the paled eyed ninja getting pushed around by Sakura.

"This is a violation of privacy. I want my lawyer!" Neji complained as he was forced into the changing room by Sakura.

Ino turned towards Neji's direction, "Oh whatever Nejikins…"

Nejikins was Neji's new nickname. Ino had overheard Ten-ten calling him that during her dates and Ino thought it was the most adorable name. Of course Neji did not think so but for the time being, Neji's thoughts were irrelevant. She did not care how many times the pale eyed ninja had threatened her, she would just tell Ten-ten and the weapon lover would straighten Neji out for sure.

Neji grimaced at the nickname. Oh how he hated that damn name.

Ino ignored more of Neji's protests. She could not deal with him now. She needed to find a way to get Sasuke and Naruto to _willingly_ pose with nothing on. That was going to be a hard task. She called out for Sakura, "Sakura, get Naruto!"

Karen walked up to Ino and tapped her shoulders, "Tsunade said that she is sending reinforcements right this moment. Until then no photos should be taken."

Ino glanced at Karen before crossing her arms, "Fine, but I want the models ready. We are on schedule."

"Yes, I know that…but what if-"

"Karen, don't worry about it. Okay?" and with that Ino left her other partner-in-crime to chase after Naruto who was currently fighting on of the crew members, "Naruto, leave him alone!"

"I thought the old hag was joking!" Naruto yelled as he waved his arms around like a mad man. He pouted, "I didn't even sign up for this!"

"Okay, Naruto," Sakura began while putting her arm on Naruto's shoulder, "I'll make a deal with you. If you pose naked with Sasuke and not make a scene about it, then I will give you a year supply of ramen."

Naruto's eyes glistened with joy, "One year?"

"Oh yes, one year. But remember you must not complain during the shoot and if the photographer asks you to get down and dirty with Sasuke, then you get down and dirty. Do you understand?"

Suddenly Naruto's problem with the nude modeling had suddenly just magically disappeared. He could deal with this. It was only for one day and he was doing it with Sasuke. It wasn't like he never seen Sasuke naked before. Naruto gave Sakura a blinding smile, "Alright!"

'_Well that was easy…'_ Sakura smiled, "Good!"

It seemed that only Kiba was having the time of his life.

"Hey look at this sexy body." Kiba said seductively as he slowly took off his clothes. The men rolled their eyes as they continued to reluctantly take their clothes off. But from the outskirts of the supposed secret location, the secret Kiba fan club tried their best not to squeal in excitement. They could not be caught; they wanted to see more of the sexy Kiba.

Hinata, Ino, Karen, Hanabi, Katsumi and Sakura couldn't help but stare at Kiba's body.

Everything was going perfectly fine for Ino until she saw Gaara just sitting on a three stub sporting his usual bored expression, but what horrified her most was that he was still wearing his shirt. Ino began to charge at him, "Gaara is that a shirt I see you wearing?! Take it off now!"

"This was not part of the negotiations."

"Do you think I care?!

Gaara glared at Ino as he took off his shirt. He had to keep reminding himself that killing Ino would not make Hinata very happy. He had no intentions on posing in his underwear. He was the Kazakage! Kazekages did not pose for calendars, "I loathe you."

"Oh look at his abs…" Sakura breathed as she stared at Gaara's well defined chest. She knew that Gaara was Hinata's boyfriend and that was probably the only reason why she decided not to jump the Kazekage. Friends did not do that to friends. But damn was Hinata one lucky girl.

"Yum!" Hinata exclaimed excitedly earning looks from everyone. She blushed and apologized before returning back to her work.

Shikamaru muttered under his breath about troublesome girls and hesitantly took off his clothes. He did not care if anyone could see him; he just wanted to get this damn photo shoot over with. Precious cloud watching and Temari time was being wasted every second he was here.

Chouji buried his head in his hands as Karen dragged the poor boy to the changing tent, "This has got to be the worst day of my life."

She ignored the groans from the ninjas as she continued her mission. She looked around frantically. Now where was that loud mouth idiot?

But of course, no one, not even the crazed president and her entourage, saw the two lovers sneaking off to gods' know where…

It was only fifteen minutes when Ino realized that Naruto and Sasuke were missing…and she was certainly not pleased. She threw her clip board on the floor and stomped on it repeatedly.

"Sakura, Karen! Get those two idiots here right now!!!"

Karen smiled mischievously as she witnessed Sasuke and Naruto flirting with each other near the waterfalls. It was one of the most romantic moments in the president of the Sasunaru fan club's life. This could be more fun than she thought. She slowly took out her small camcorder and recorded the scene before her. Although she was officially apart of the calendar committee, she was still the president of the largest yaoi club in the world. She had an obligation to get any footage of Sasuke and Naruto no matter what was the cost. The members of the Sasunaru fan clubs would certainly love this.

"Karen!" Ino yelled from the other side of the photo shoot area, "Make them stop!"

Karen raised an eyebrow. Ino wanted her to stop one of the best yaoi moments in the history of yaoi moments? Never. Karen gave Ino a fake smile, "I will try my very best."

"Sakura give me your phone." Karen ordered. She thanked her pink haired friend and dialed the number to the Sasunaru fan club headquarters, "Dana, yes it's me. Tell the girls to bring their high-tech camera and arrive at the photo shoot ASAP. There is some juicy Sasunaru action that he can't afford to not record."

Karen and Sakura sadistically grinned at each other before returning their attention to the complaining undressing models. The two girls were convinced that they were in fan girl heaven. There was no way that they were seeing so much skin. They had no idea how much more hotness that could take with having massive nosebleeds.

**I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, but I know it's not the best. I know the time line for this story and some of the information is messed up. I know that Hanabi is not older than Hinata and that Neji's father is dead, but for the sake of the story, they are. I know Jiraiya and Itachi are already dead but for now, they're alive. I don't know when I can update again, but hopefully soon. As always, feedbacks are appreciated. **


	14. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**The Aftermath of the Calendar**

**By: Rin, editor-in-chief of Konoha Inquirer**

It was supposed to be a simple substitute for one of the worst mail strikes the five countries have ever seen. It was not supposed to spark a chain of events that would forever change the world of ninjas. It was not supposed to start one of the biggest fan girl bases and enterprises to ever exist and it definitely was not supposed to be a permanent establishment.

But like most things in life, things did not always go as planned. Now thanks to Iruka Umino's wise mind, his program, the NIM program has become one of the most popular online businesses. It even beat Fivebook and Ninspace. Because of this and the major capital that was coming into Konoha, the fifth Hokage, Tsunade, could not just pull the plug on NIM when the mail people have decided to cooperate. And now the Godaime can actually pay off her voluminous gambling debts, buy an entire stockpile of sake and still have money left for her village (and more gambling).

However, the Hokage was not the only person who had benefited from this; Iruka had become a millionaire overnight but do not expect him to go on some exotic vacation with his Copy-nin anything soon, he still works in the Ninja Academy and the missions office very diligently.

As for the ILHN fan club, it was still going strong and it is on its way to becoming one of the top companies in the world. The calendar has been a huge success and it has been so big that not only has it been sold out within the first two days alone, but Ino and company began to receive sponsors for next year's calendar. Thus making Ino and her associates very, very rich.

As for male ninjas turned models, things have not been going as well. Fan club membership has sky rocketed since the calendar's release and so has the rate of fan girl tirades. The attacks are getting so bad in Konoha that the Hokage council has no choice but to put regulations on fan girl activities, including self mailing. But have no fear fellow self mailers; there is always the underground market.

The only person who has seemed to be "benefited" for being a model is Naruto. People in general are beginning to see him in a new light and the harassment against the Kyuubi holder has decreased significantly. However, according to sources, Naruto is getting harrassed from different type of people: the fan girls and boys. Naruto has, along with Sasuke, has fallen victim to numerous yaoi fan clubs that love to target the couple and vow to get a sex tape into cyber space.

Speaking of Sasuke, he is still getting blackmailed into Ino's business schemes, but thanks to his recently made union with Naruto, his mental state has somewhat come back. The Atasuki are still the Atatsuki just with more fan girls begging to be apart of their "cult" and Sasuke still wants to kill Itachi- the time will come eventually.

There are still fan girl wars looming about but the intensity has calmed down a bit, but in the end, everything has pretty much gone back to normal.

**Yes! It's finally done. I thought that this would never be finished. I hope you enjoyed this story; I enjoyed writing this story very much. Thank you all for everything. **


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